Do you put others needs before your own needs?
Why do you feel the need to put yourselves last?
Is it because you think it is selfish to put your needs first?
Often as children, we are told to think of others. We were encouraged to allow others to go before us and to think about their needs. When I was a child, this was considered good manners. Now I’m not suggesting that showing others kindness and empathy to another person is a negative thing. I want to explore how we carry these patterns into our adult life and put the needs of others first.
Why don’t we show ourselves the same kindness and empathy we are willing to show others? We make other people’s needs more important than our own needs.
On the odd occasion, you try and put your needs first what is your reaction?
Do you consider yourself selfish for even daring to think about yourself?
We push our own needs aside thinking by putting others first will make us a good person.
Does it actually make you feel good putting everyone else’s needs above your own?
By putting yourself last you are actually not able to effectively care for others.
On an aeroplane, the safety message says to put on your own oxygen mask before you try to help someone else.
This same principle could be applied to life. If you don’t help yourself and put your needs first, then what happens? It feels like life energy is being drained out of you. You use all your energy to think and care about others and you end up neglecting your own needs.
Often you have pushed your own needs aside for so long it’s difficult to recognize what your needs are.
I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t think about others or care for them, I’m saying that if caring for everyone else at the expense of always putting yourself last, then how effectively can you care for others?
Have you heard the saying is you can’t pour from an empty cup?
Essentially, the saying means that in order for you to effectively take care of others, you must first take care of yourself.
So how do you fill that cup? Because the fact is, you are worthy of putting your need first. In fact, it is essential that you recognize what your needs are and start putting yourself first. Now if you have been putting everyone else first this notion of putting yourself first is going to feel uncomfortable. I’m sure your mind has started to come up with lots of excuses about you putting your needs first.
Often the mind will say things like this:
- You can’t do that
- That selfish
- What will others think
- I have to take care of my children, mother, father, partner.
And let’s face it! the list could go on and on. But the fact of the matter is if you’re not taking care of yourself and putting your needs first who will take care of your needs?
Do you ever catch yourself feeling resentful about doing so much for everyone else and no one seems to notice or be thinking about your needs,
We teach others how to treat us and if you have always put everyone else first and our own needs last then this is what other will expect from us.
You are worthy of having your needs met. In fact, it is essential that you start taking care of yourself and your needs. Stop putting yourself last and start putting yourself first for a change.
I bet your next question is well that sounds great but how do I do that.
You do that by starting to fill your own bucket!
What does it mean to fill your own bucket? It means doing those things for yourself that you enjoy. You know those things that fill you up, energize you and give you joy in your life. Ultimately filling your own bucket.
Unfortunately, these are often the things we push aside and come up with all sorts of excuses for why we can’t do those things that fill us up. Leading to a leaking bucket feeling depleted and your bucket empty.
We are great at doing all we can to fill other’s bucket. But what about your bucket? How do you fill your bucket and prioritize yourself?
Filling your bucket is about doing those things that are important to you. The things that you have a passion for, make life fun and enjoyable. Your bucket is completely unique to you. We all have things that light us up.
What’s in your bucket?
Your bucket can take on many forms. It could be health, personal development self-care time. The list goes on.
There are no limitations to what your bucket is. It is about you getting clear about what is important to you in life.
Your mission if you’re ready to accept it is to create your buckets. Start by creating a list of all the things that are important to you. Those things that give you energy, support you or give you a whole lot of joy. Have fun and allow yourself to create your buckets.
Here is an example of what my buckets look like. These are the things that fill me up.
- Quality Time with my partner
- Connecting with my Spirituality
- Taking care of my mental health
- helping others
- Learning new things
Create what’s important to you!
Now it’s time for you to create your own list of buckets of the things that are important to you.
Once you have your list of buckets. How are you going to make sure you fill each of them?
Create a plan and prioritise your buckets. These are the things that are important to you and create your fulfilling life.
You have two choices here. You can continue as you are and function on empty, or you can fill your bucket and feel full. It’s up to you.
We must take care of ourselves before we have the capacity to care for others. Else we end up with an empty bucket and feeling unfilled.
Create your list of buckets and start filling them up!
Remember it’s not selfish to care for yourself it’s a necessary