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How To Overcome Self Doubt

How To Overcome Self Doubt

Is Your Self Doubt Holding You Back? 

Self-doubt is a persistent little bugger. The voice in your head that likes to show up at the most inconvenient time. You start to contemplate a change or do something new. Then the voice of self-double decides to make an appearance. You are creating an internal conflict. You feel uncertain and question yourself. You allow that voice of self-doubt to hold you back and keep you stuck in what is familiar and safe.

Can you relate?

That persuasive voice of self-doubt talks you out of going for your dreams or, making a change. Self-doubt love to come up with all sorts of reasons why you shouldn’t try something different.

 

You start to :

  • Comparing yourselves to others,
  • Worry about what others will think if you try something new.
  • You question if you are doing the right thing by trying something new.
  • You ask yourself, am I good enough to even try?

The list of negativity goes on and on….

 

 

Self-doubt makes you feel stuck and debilitates you from making a change.

The battle between you and self-doubt is real.

Most of us have experienced self-doubt when wanting to move to something new. Often, we allow the voice of self-doubt to hold us back. It takes over our thoughts and stops us in our tracks from making change.

Once that voice of self-doubt takes hold. It’s not uncommon to take a step back, stand still and prevent yourself from moving forward. You retreat into your comfort zone. Where self-doubt finally starts to silence the negativity in your mind. You allowed self-doubt to win and you remain stuck in your old ways.

Overcoming self-doubt is confronting and uncomfortable. The butterfly in the stomach and fear takes hold. It feels easier and safer to stay with what is familiar and comfortable. But if you stay with what is comfortable you become stuck and dormant. You don’t grow to your full potential. Facing self-doubt allows you to be open to new experiences, pursue your dreams and live life to the fullest.

You make the decision that you are ready to move forward and embrace something new. The time has come to step up and overcome your self-doubt.

Get to know your self-doubt on a deeper level.

I know this may be thinking what! I want to get rid of my self-doubt not get to know it.

But, getting to know self-doubt will support you in overcoming your self-doubt.

The first step of getting to know yourself doubt is to listen to the words of self-doubt.

Start paying attention to the words that you say to yourselves. It can be easy to let the voice of self-doubt start planting the seeds of all the reasons why we can’t start something new. Then before you know self-doubt had done its job and stop you from moving forward. You retreat and don’t take the steps toward what we wanted. You need to start listening to what that voice is saying. What does your self-doubt say to you? Listen and note the words you say to yourself.

To overcome self-doubt, you need to be aware of how self-doubt is holding us back. Ask yourself how you hold yourself back because of your self-doubt

Is your self-doubt stopping you from trying something new?

Once you become more aware of what the voice of self-doubt is saying. You can see how your self-doubt is holding you back from all the new possibilities that are waiting for you.

 

Connect with the feeling

The next step is to connect with the feel.

Now that you are more aware, you can start exploring how it would feel to try something new. To know if something new is right we can use our body as a guide. When you think about the new experience, does it feel expansive or restrictive in the body? Became aware of your body and the feeling you get when you think about the new. If you feel expansive, your body is telling you it’s right for you.

Are you ready to start embracing something new?

Then this is how you can prevent your self-doubt from taking over. Focuses your mind on how this new experience will improve your life. Feel in your body. How will it feel to bring this experience into your life? Focusing on the improvement, the new will bring into your life. Seeing it feeling it helps quieten and calm the voice of self-doubt. Once you start to quieten self-doubt. You start building momentum towards making room for something new

Now we have a clear indication of the new experience, you want, and why you want it. You have quietened the voice of self-double by reassuring it. You are now feeling more open to new possibilities, and ready to embrace them.

Get clear about your why

What do you want and why do you want it?

You need to be clear about what new experience you want and why. Do you want a new job, start a new business, relationship, new hobby, or travel somewhere new? It’s important to be clear about what you want and why. Once you are clear about what new experience you want and why. You now have a powerful tool for overcoming that voice of self-doubt. Inspiration is not enough to keep you going when self-doubt takes over and feel like giving up. You must have a way to motivate you to push past the obstacles that self-doubt will bring up. Strong knowledge of why you want this new experience. Will help you keep your mind focused even when you feel like you are caught in the negative cycle of self-doubt.

Your why is the reason you will be determined to keep going because you are clear about what you what and why you want it.

 Write down you’re why statement and have it somewhere where you can see it and read it often. You know that voice of self-doubt decides to show up you have something more powerful you why.

Embrace the new and your self-doubt

It’s now time to start thinking about one step you can take towards the new experience you want. List down one step you can take to move towards something new you want to experience. Then take that step toward what you want.

I have personally found one of the best ways to overcome self-double, is to start taking small action steps towards the new experience I want to create. By starting and taking action. I’m moving towards what I want.

Once you start to take action steps towards what you want. The self-doubt slowly disappears.

Then you look back and realise how far we have come. By taking that one step towards that new experience, you wanted.

Start that thing you have been dreaming about, and don’t let your self-doubt hold you back. Allow yourself to be open to the possibilities of the new and let go of the old. Be ready to embrace all the new and exciting experiences that are coming your way.

Self-doubt can only hold you back if you allow it to. Know what you want, and why you want it.  See it, feel and believe it is possible for you. Even if self-doubt shows up you can overcome it by taking one step at a time towards your dreams.

Start taking those steps today.

 

 

 

Resources:

Free Meditation to help you your self-doubt Click here

How to Make your needs a priority Read More 

How To Make Your Needs a Priority

How To Make Your Needs a Priority

Do you put others needs before your own needs?

Why do you feel the need to put yourselves last? 

Is it because you think it is selfish to put your needs first?

Often as children, we are told to think of others. We were encouraged to allow others to go before us and to think about their needs. When I was a child, this was considered good manners. Now I’m not suggesting that showing others kindness and empathy to another person is a negative thing. I want to explore how we carry these patterns into our adult life and put the needs of others first.

Why  don’t we  show ourselves the same kindness and empathy we are willing to show others? We make other people’s needs more important than our own needs.

On the odd occasion, you try and put your needs first what is your reaction?

Do you consider yourself selfish for even daring to think about yourself?

We push our own needs aside thinking by putting others first will make us a good person.

Does it actually make you feel good putting everyone else’s needs above your own?

By putting yourself last you are actually not able to effectively care for others.

On an aeroplane, the safety message says to put on your own oxygen mask before you try to help someone else.

This same principle could be applied to life. If you don’t help yourself and put your needs first, then what happens?  It feels like life energy is being drained out of you. You use all your energy to think and care about others and you end up neglecting your own needs.

Often you have pushed your own needs aside for so long it’s difficult to recognize what your needs are.

I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t think about others or care for them, I’m saying that if caring for everyone else at the expense of always putting yourself last, then how effectively can you care for others?

 

 

Have you heard the saying is you can’t pour from an empty cup?

Essentially, the saying means that in order for you to effectively take care of others, you must first take care of yourself.

So how do you fill that cup?  Because the fact is, you are worthy of putting your need first.  In fact, it is essential that you recognize what your needs are and start putting yourself first. Now if you have been putting everyone else first this notion of putting yourself first is going to feel uncomfortable.  I’m sure your mind has started to come up with lots of excuses about you putting your needs first.

 Often the mind will say things like this:

  • You can’t do that
  • That selfish
  • What will others think
  • I have to take care of my children, mother, father, partner.

And let’s face it! the list could go on and on. But the fact of the matter is if you’re not taking care of yourself and putting your needs first who will take care of your needs?

Do you ever catch yourself feeling resentful about doing so much for everyone else and no one seems to notice or be thinking about your needs,

We teach others how to treat us and if you have always put everyone else first and our own needs last then this is what other will expect from us.

You are worthy of having your needs met. In fact, it is essential that you start taking care of yourself and your needs. Stop putting yourself last and start putting yourself first for a change.

I bet your next question is well that sounds great but how do I do that.

You do that by starting to fill your own bucket!

What does it mean to fill your own bucket? It means doing those things for yourself that you enjoy. You know those things that fill you up, energize you and give you joy in your life. Ultimately filling your own bucket.

Unfortunately, these are often the things we push aside and come up with all sorts of excuses for why we can’t do those things that fill us up. Leading to a leaking bucket feeling depleted and your bucket empty.

We are great at doing all we can to fill other’s bucket. But what about your bucket? How do you fill your bucket and prioritize yourself?

Filling your bucket is about doing those things that are important to you. The things that you have a passion for, make life fun and enjoyable. Your bucket is completely unique to you. We all have things that light us up.

What’s in your bucket?

It’s time for you to have some fun and create your buckets. As I mentioned your buckets are unique to you. Don’t look outwards to find the answer go within, give yourself some time to reflect on what is important to you.

Your bucket can take on many forms. It could be health, personal development self-care time. The list goes on.

There are no limitations to what your bucket is. It is about you getting clear about what is important to you in life.

Your mission if you’re ready to accept it is to create your buckets. Start by creating a list of all the things that are important to you. Those things that give you energy, support you or give you a whole lot of joy. Have fun and allow yourself to create your buckets.

Here is an example of what my buckets look like. These are the things that fill me up.

  •  Quality Time with my partner
  •  Connecting with my Spirituality
  •  Taking care of my mental health
  •  helping others
  • Learning new things
  • Travel

Create what’s important to you!

Now it’s time for you to create your own list of buckets of the things that are important to you.

Once you have your list of buckets. How are you going to make sure you fill each of them?

Create a plan and prioritise your buckets. These are the things that are important to you and create your fulfilling life.

You have two choices here. You can continue as you are and function on empty, or you can fill your bucket and feel full. It’s up to you.

We must take care of ourselves before we have the capacity to care for others.  Else we end up with an empty bucket and feeling unfilled.

Create your list of buckets and start filling them up!

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Remember it’s not selfish to care for yourself it’s a necessary

The Pathway of change

The Pathway of change

A guide to navigating change in your life)

At one point or another, we need to walk the pathway of change.

Change is never easy. I will admit I never enjoy change. I like it when things are predictable and I have a plan.

I will confess I like to feel I am in control.

Our world has gone through a massive change and so many have felt the impact on a global scale.

When we experience change, it feels scary and unstable. The mind likes to keep us safe. It will often bring up thoughts that fill us with fear. Not helpful! but the mind thinks it’s doing a good job at keeping us safe from harm. The mind likes to keep things familiar and predictable. The reality is most of us like to have some predictability in our life.

When a change in your life occurs, how do you manage it is the question.

Change is like walking down an unfamiliar pathway. We are met with an uncertainty of where it will lead, we may encounter detours, and we are not too sure of what we will encounter along the way. Deep down we hope the change will lead to something even better in our life. Yet, that uncertain voice inside of us will present all the “what-if scenarios”. We like to be prepared and have a plan in case something goes wrong.

While we are walking the pathway of change how do we navigate the array of feelings and thoughts that come up?

Here are three practices that can help you with navigating change in you life

1. Discover the resources you have within you

We all go through many phases of change within our lifetime. Reminding ourselves that we have been through change before. Think for a moment about who you are today. All the changing versions of yourself, you have experienced over your lifetime.

A great way to recognise what changes you have been through is to look back and think about all the changes you have gone through .

Take out a piece of paper find a quiet place and allow 15 minutes to create your change list.

Write down a list of all the changes you can think of that you have gone through up until today.

From the list look at the item think about either the lessons or the resources, you have gained from that change. There will be a mixture of positive change and change that may have difficult for you. Even from change that was difficult, some of the great’s lessons emerge. It can feel tough when you are going through change. But once you’re on the other side you have learned and grown from the experience.

That’s why this practice is so powerful. It reminds us that even in difficult circumstances. We raise to the challenge and get through the change. We have the resources within us we have been through change before and we survived.

2. Opening up the change.

The more we resist change the more difficult we make it for ourselves. While we know this on a conscious leave, we still seem to love to resist change. We want to stay in our comfort zone where it is familiar and safe. But change is enviable. Everything changes no matter how much we want to keep it the same. Life is constantly evolving, let us make it easier on ourselves by opening up to change. Being open to change allows us the grace to be present and to feel what is coming up.

Sit with the feeling and allowing the feeling to be there. It may feel uncomfortable. But have you noticed the more you try and resist the more uncomfortable the feeling becomes? Try allowing the feeling to be there. Bring your attention to the feeling and breath into it. Then allow yourself to open up to the feeling, without pushing it away, allow any feeling to be there as it is. Without pushing or fighting. Continue to observe any sensations you feel. If the feeling changes that is ok. If it doesn’t change that is ok also. The goal here is not to get rid of the feeling. The aim is to allow the feeling to be there.

You may be asking what the point of this exercise is if you feel uncomfortable. This exercise is about showing you that uncomfortable feelings can arise within you. But, the more you push and try to get rid of them, the more uncomfortable and challenged your feelings. Through this struggle with feeling, you make the change more painful for yourself. By allowing the feelings to be there and being with it. You eventually drop the struggles with the feeling. You open up to and make room for the feeling. You’re making life easier for yourself. By allowing yourself to be open and flow with the change without resistance.

3. Show yourself compassion

One of the most important practices, when change happens, is to show compassion. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Take care of yourself. A simple way to show yourself compassion during times of change. Is to use compassionate hands practice.  Take your right hand and place it over your heart. Place your left hand on the upper part of your stomach. Imagine your hands are filled with loving compassionate energy. As you hold yourself with these compassionate hands. Allow yourself to take some slow deep breaths. You may want to repeat to yourself “ I am okay”

This practice can be used anytime you need to show yourself love and compassion, during challenging times.  (I have recorded a guided practice for this here 

Change within our lives is enviable. Things will change around us and within us no matter how much we want to hold onto the way things are. As you walk the pathway of change remind yourself. You have resources within you, you have been through change before. Resisting change makes, it is more difficult to allow yourself to open up to the feeling. The most important thing to remember is when you experiencing change, hold yourself with love and compassion

If you need more support with the change you are experiencing in your life please please get in touch with me or have a look at my work with me page. I would love to support you during this time.

 

 

 

Tips for Practicing Self-Compassion and Kindness

Tips for Practicing Self-Compassion and Kindness

Have you ever been harsh or critical with yourself? My guess is the answer is “YES”.  Did you know as humans, we are much harsher on ourselves than we are with other people? Think about it, have you secretly blamed and then beaten yourself up with negative self-talk. We do it so frequently, that we go on to autopilot. The criticism,  blaming and hash self-talk starts to flow. Before we know it, our mind filled with toxic thoughts.

If you can relate then I would love to let you in on a little secrete. One of the best ways to calm the harsh self-talk is to practise kindness and self-compassion.

Trust me! By being, kind and showing yourself, compassion will profoundly change your life. The more we practice being kind and compassionate with ourselves. The more we will develop the habit of self-compassion.

Here are a few tips on practising self-compassion to get you started.

Create Self Compassion time

We hear about the importance of self-care and the many benefits, but have you ever consider creating a self-compassionate time? Here some of my favourite ways to create self-compassion time in my day.

It only takes 10 minutes and it can make a huge difference to your emotional and mental health.

Self-soothing practices  

We can do simple practices such as self-soothing rituals like breaths in and say “

“I treat myself with love, kindness and compassion”.

Then breathe out. Repeat for five breath cycles.

Self-compassion break

 Take a self-compassion break. –It’s just like taking a tea break. A quick break in your day to show yourself some self-compassion. Step away from daily task and take 5 minutes break to show yourself some self-compassion. Do one kind thing for yourself during your compassion break. Pop a reminder on your phone or in your calendar. Then you have your self-compassion time scheduled. There no excuses for missing out on taking 5 minutes to be kind and compassionate to yourself.

Morning Routine

Another way to create self-compassion time is to start a morning routine that includes compassion.

This may be a morning meditation practice. (Check the link below for a free self-compassion meditation).  As part of your routine, you may like to include saying some compassionate words to yourself or give yourself a compliment. A great way to implement this is to write out your compassion words on a post-it note and stick it on the mirror.  Then when you’re getting ready in the morning, it’s right there on the mirror as a reminder. The perfect way to show yourself a little love and compassion in the morning.

Taking a self-compassion break helps you to care and nurture yourself. It allows you to open your heart and be kind to yourself.

Self-compassion practice for difficult emotions

When difficult emotions arise, we often experience feelings of overwhelming. When in this heightened state it is the perfect time to show yourself kindness and compassion to bring about emotional calm.

First recognizing the emotion without judgment or attachment. Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself it’s normal to have an emotional reaction when life is difficult. Be gentle and nurturing with yourself. Give yourself the space to work through the emotions. Be open and ‘make room for thoughts and feelings. Allow feelings to flow through you. Don’t try and fight the feeling , push them down, or control them. Validate your experience through kind self-talk. Practice accepting difficult emotions when they arise.

When we accept that, it’s a normal part of being a human to have uncomfortable thoughts feelings and emotions is an act of self-compassion within itself.

Compassionate exercise when difficult emotions arise.

Pace your right hand on your heart, and then place your left hand over the top of your right hand.

Take a few deep breaths and calm yourself –

Close your eyes – Repeat this affirmation Slowly 10 times.

“I am ok”.

Self-compassion through writing

Writing is a great way to express emotions, improve your well-being and show kindness.

Try to incorporate self-compassion into your journal writing. This will make practising self-compassion even stronger.

In your journal, be open and honest with yourself. Write about anything experiences you had during the day. Did you feel bad about anything? Or judged yourself harshly? Was there a stressful situation? Write anything you want to allow yourself to reflect on your experience. From this experience, explore ways you can show yourself self, more kindness and compassion

I find using kind words such as:

I’m doing the best I can.

I’m learning and growing from my experiences.

I forgive myself

I reflect and look for ways to be my best self

I’m kind and gentle with myself

You may like to write you on self-compassion phrases, which feels good to you.


Self-compassion letter

Another writing exercise is to write a self-compassionate letter to yourself. In your letter let yourself know that you care about yourself. Be gentle, and reassuring towards yourself. Write yourself some kind, comforting words. This exercise is helpful in difficult times when you need to show yourself some love and kindness.

Compassionate Self-touch

This is a simple practice but is a powerful way of showing kindness and compassion.

Find a comfortable position.

Now bring your mind to something you have been struggling with, it could be an internal struggle or an external struggle. Sit with this struggle for a moment. You may want to consider how this struggle is affecting you, how it is affecting your life. Notice what difficult thoughts and feeling are arising.

Become aware of within the body where you feel the feelings that are arising. Be aware of the part of the body that is hurting the most.

Now bring your attention to one of your hand. Within this hand, imagine that you hold someone that is very kind and caring.

Then place this kind and caring hand gently on whichever part of the body that hurts the most.

Send warmth, care and compassion inwards. Through the palm to the place that is hurting.

Imagine the body softening, relaxing and making space. Allow kindness and compassion to flow through your body.

Continue with this kind of self-touch for as long as you wish. (You can download a guided recording of this practice) here

Only through practice, we become better at showing ourselves compassion. It may feel a little awkward and uncomfortable at first but, the more kindness and compassion we are with ourselves. The better we become at handling life’s ups and downs.

Forgive yourself be gentle with yourself and recognize that you are a human.

You make mistakes.  You do not have to be perfect. You are learning, growing and doing the best that you can.

So, next time you are harsh or critical of yourself. Take a moment to pause and draw upon one of these practices. Show yourself kindness and compassion you are worth it.

You are worth of self-compassion

You are worthy of kindness

You are worthy of self-love.

And remember:

You can search the entire universe for someone who more deserving of you love and affection than you are yourself and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love affection, kindness and compassion. – Budda

I would love to hear how you feel about this topic and how you are bringing more self-compassion into your life Leave a  comment or get in touch here.

You may feel inspired to start your journey of self-compassion. Please click here. To find out more about how I can support you.

Listen to a free self-compassion meditation here.

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