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How To Teach Yourself To Feel Good Enough

How To Teach Yourself To Feel Good Enough

by | Jan 13, 2023 | Mental Health

Let’s begin with a question that may feel a bit uncomfortable, but it’s an important question to reflect on.

What is the story you tell yourself over and over again?

This can be a comforting question. If you really stop for a moment and listen and think about what you are saying to yourself.

That voice in your mind what it’s telling you.

The words you say to yourself have power. The reality is you are with yourselves 24/7, there is no hiding from what you say to yourself.

The stories that are on repeat in your mind shape your life and the way you view yourself.

Did you come up with an answer? What story do you tell yourself?

My guess is this story has a theme to it. Did you know that there is a common theme to most stories we tell ourselves?

Want to know what the story is?

The I’m not good enough story.

Does that sound familiar?

The words that you are saying to yourself often have a theme of not being good enough.

Did you know that this is the most common story most humans struggle with?

They believe they are not good enough. We look for confirmation in the outside world about how we are not good enough. We tell ourselves this story over and over again.

Now I could sit here and tell you something like: Believe in yourself and turn those words around to something positive and repeat to yourself that you are good enough. And you are good enough. But we all have something called our internal voice in our mind and our mind can be a tricky thing. The mind likes to protect us and thinks that it’s helpful. But sometimes the mind is unhelpful and can be downright mean.

 

Saying  postive affiramtion that you don’t belive to  turn that negative self-talk around may  be helpful in the short term. But after a while, you start to fight against your mind and then you spiral back down to the same habit of repeating the… I’m not good enough story.

Let me give you some practical advice for the ‘I’m not good enough struggles.

Struggle 1: Question Your Efforts

We all have those times when we struggle with questioning ourselves

I’m I doing enough?

I’m I good enough?

Is what I’m doing enough?

Is this good enough?

The list goes on…

Even as I write this blog post my mind is asking if this is really good enough. It is looking to pick apart all the way it is not enough.

Your mind can be critical at times and you are so hard on yourselves.

The I’m not good enough story can be loud and disheartening.

Here is a practice to help when you find yourself criticizing your efforts.

 

  1. Think about some of the criticisms your mind tells you

 

  1. Pick one of the criticisms that you say to yourself a lot. (The one you have on repeat.)

 

  1. Now be present. Become aware of how it makes you feel when your mind gets caught up in criticizing you.

 

  1. Open up to the feelings and notice them. You may want to try some deep breathing.

 

  1. Then turn your focus on doing something that will make your life more meaningful. What is something that will add value to your life, that you can do right now and give your attention to?

I know it can painful but by opening up and being present to the feeling but once you become aware of the feeling showing up, you can start turning your focus on more meaningful things. Rather than getting caught up in the “I’m not good enough story”.

 

Struggle 2: Feeling You’re Not Doing Enough

Do you ever feel completely overwhelmed with always trying to fit more on your to-do list?

The more you try to do the more you question- “I’m I doing enough”?

Maybe you thought you’d be further ahead in life than you are right now, or maybe you have a list in the back of your mind of things you “should” be doing.

No matter what you do, it doesn’t seem to be enough.

Let’s explore that feeling of not doing enough.

Many of us judge ourselves for never doing enough. We ridicule our efforts as not being good enough. We have a long list of all the things we should be doing. Thinking if I just complete my do-to list, I will finally feel I’m good enough.

I know this feeling because I use to let myself get stuck in the mindset of “I have to do more to be enough”. Maybe you can relate.

 

Are you always think you have to do more to be enough?

Maybe seeing other people’s successes might trigger this feeling of inadequacy.

Do you set unrealistic expectations for yourself and think that nothing you do is ever good enough?

Let’s turn this thinking around. Because the truth is no matter how hard you push yourself and create an endless to-do list. It not going to make you feel enough. Instead of trying to do it all, try celebrate yourself and the effort you are putting in to the things you are doing. 

Here is a  practice help if you find yourself trying to do more and more to be enough.

Answer these questions:

What have I achieved that I never thought possible?

How have I progressed and grown in the last year?

How can I celebrate my effects?

Take time to celebrate your progress, achievements and growth. Turn that self-judgement into a celebration of doing and being enough in this moment. Often we never stop to celebrate our effects and how far we have come. Our mind is ready to jump to the next thing. Again never feel fulfilled with the success we already achieved. So instead of adding more to your to-do list celebrate all that you are right now.

Now that you celebrate yourself even if it was just a little bit. What if the next thing I asked you was- Do you know you are enough as you are?

Now stop for a moment before you read on. When you read the above statement what is your first thought? Just observe your thoughts for a moment.

Was your first thought, yes I’m enough.

Or did you start to question I am, I enough as I am? Or did you say no I’m not enough

The truth is you are enough exactly as you are. Our first response is often to think about all the ways we think we are not enough.

Let me tell you right at this moment you are all that you are meant to be.

And being enough is not about being perfect or reaching some ideal Enough is being all that you are right now.

The mess parts of you

The broken parts of you

The imperfect parts of you

The changing and growing parts of you

The beautiful parts

The unique parts of you

Despite all this, You’re already enough.

Struggle 3 Recognising you are enough as you are

Who gets to decide what being enough is?

Have you stopped to think about, What is enough anyway? Are you measuring your enoughness with an unrealistic image of perfection?

I will let you in on a little secret – You get to decide what enough is!!!

Nobody else gets to decide what enough means to you. You can only decide for yourself.

It can be a constant internal battle to feel enough. With judge yourselves in so many ways as not being enough.

That voice in your head tells you: I’m not pretty, I’m not skinny, I’m smart, I’m not confident enough. The list goes on and on…..

But the reality is you hold all the power you get to decide what being enough is for yourself. No one outside of you can decide that for you. You are the only one that can decide what enough looks and feels like for you. You have a choice you can continue to strive for some unrealistic image of being good enough. Or you can get crystal clear in your own mind about what your version of being enough is.

 

Journal Practice for defining being enough

In your journal answer these questions to get clear about what enough means to you.

What does being enough feel like?

What does being enough look like?

Define what being enough means to you?

Being enough is a working progress. Your mind will look for ways to tell you are not enough. Unfortunately, this is what the mind does. But you know have something very powerful and that’s awareness. The first step to change is being aware of the thoughts and feelings that are coming up for you. Be aware of what enough means to you. Shut off the loud voice of the outside world.

“You are enough exactly as you are”

Celebrate yourself instead of judging yourself. Because we all have those messy broken and imperfect parts to us. And you know what that’s ok because you’re working a progress and every day you growing learning and doing the best you can. And that is enough.

Resources

Recommended  book: Cassie Mendoza- Jones “You Are Enough”  Click Here

Free Meditation You Are Enough Guided Meditation Click Here

Learn more about how Hypnotherapy can support you with your self-esteem Click here 

 

How To Overcome Self Doubt

How To Overcome Self Doubt

by | Dec 13, 2022 | Mental Health, Well-Being

Is Your Self Doubt Holding You Back? 

Self-doubt is a persistent little bugger. The voice in your head that likes to show up at the most inconvenient time. You start to contemplate a change or do something new. Then the voice of self-double decides to make an appearance. You are creating an internal conflict. You feel uncertain and question yourself. You allow that voice of self-doubt to hold you back and keep you stuck in what is familiar and safe.

Can you relate?

That persuasive voice of self-doubt talks you out of going for your dreams or, making a change. Self-doubt love to come up with all sorts of reasons why you shouldn’t try something different.

 

You start to :

  • Comparing yourselves to others,
  • Worry about what others will think if you try something new.
  • You question if you are doing the right thing by trying something new.
  • You ask yourself, am I good enough to even try?

The list of negativity goes on and on….

 

 

Self-doubt makes you feel stuck and debilitates you from making a change.

The battle between you and self-doubt is real.

Most of us have experienced self-doubt when wanting to move to something new. Often, we allow the voice of self-doubt to hold us back. It takes over our thoughts and stops us in our tracks from making change.

Once that voice of self-doubt takes hold. It’s not uncommon to take a step back, stand still and prevent yourself from moving forward. You retreat into your comfort zone. Where self-doubt finally starts to silence the negativity in your mind. You allowed self-doubt to win and you remain stuck in your old ways.

Overcoming self-doubt is confronting and uncomfortable. The butterfly in the stomach and fear takes hold. It feels easier and safer to stay with what is familiar and comfortable. But if you stay with what is comfortable you become stuck and dormant. You don’t grow to your full potential. Facing self-doubt allows you to be open to new experiences, pursue your dreams and live life to the fullest.

You make the decision that you are ready to move forward and embrace something new. The time has come to step up and overcome your self-doubt.

Get to know your self-doubt on a deeper level.

I know this may be thinking what! I want to get rid of my self-doubt not get to know it.

But, getting to know self-doubt will support you in overcoming your self-doubt.

The first step of getting to know yourself doubt is to listen to the words of self-doubt.

Start paying attention to the words that you say to yourselves. It can be easy to let the voice of self-doubt start planting the seeds of all the reasons why we can’t start something new. Then before you know self-doubt had done its job and stop you from moving forward. You retreat and don’t take the steps toward what we wanted. You need to start listening to what that voice is saying. What does your self-doubt say to you? Listen and note the words you say to yourself.

To overcome self-doubt, you need to be aware of how self-doubt is holding us back. Ask yourself how you hold yourself back because of your self-doubt

Is your self-doubt stopping you from trying something new?

Once you become more aware of what the voice of self-doubt is saying. You can see how your self-doubt is holding you back from all the new possibilities that are waiting for you.

 

Connect with the feeling

The next step is to connect with the feel.

Now that you are more aware, you can start exploring how it would feel to try something new. To know if something new is right we can use our body as a guide. When you think about the new experience, does it feel expansive or restrictive in the body? Became aware of your body and the feeling you get when you think about the new. If you feel expansive, your body is telling you it’s right for you.

Are you ready to start embracing something new?

Then this is how you can prevent your self-doubt from taking over. Focuses your mind on how this new experience will improve your life. Feel in your body. How will it feel to bring this experience into your life? Focusing on the improvement, the new will bring into your life. Seeing it feeling it helps quieten and calm the voice of self-doubt. Once you start to quieten self-doubt. You start building momentum towards making room for something new

Now we have a clear indication of the new experience, you want, and why you want it. You have quietened the voice of self-double by reassuring it. You are now feeling more open to new possibilities, and ready to embrace them.

Get clear about your why

What do you want and why do you want it?

You need to be clear about what new experience you want and why. Do you want a new job, start a new business, relationship, new hobby, or travel somewhere new? It’s important to be clear about what you want and why. Once you are clear about what new experience you want and why. You now have a powerful tool for overcoming that voice of self-doubt. Inspiration is not enough to keep you going when self-doubt takes over and feel like giving up. You must have a way to motivate you to push past the obstacles that self-doubt will bring up. Strong knowledge of why you want this new experience. Will help you keep your mind focused even when you feel like you are caught in the negative cycle of self-doubt.

Your why is the reason you will be determined to keep going because you are clear about what you what and why you want it.

 Write down you’re why statement and have it somewhere where you can see it and read it often. You know that voice of self-doubt decides to show up you have something more powerful you why.

Embrace the new and your self-doubt

It’s now time to start thinking about one step you can take towards the new experience you want. List down one step you can take to move towards something new you want to experience. Then take that step toward what you want.

I have personally found one of the best ways to overcome self-double, is to start taking small action steps towards the new experience I want to create. By starting and taking action. I’m moving towards what I want.

Once you start to take action steps towards what you want. The self-doubt slowly disappears.

Then you look back and realise how far we have come. By taking that one step towards that new experience, you wanted.

Start that thing you have been dreaming about, and don’t let your self-doubt hold you back. Allow yourself to be open to the possibilities of the new and let go of the old. Be ready to embrace all the new and exciting experiences that are coming your way.

Self-doubt can only hold you back if you allow it to. Know what you want, and why you want it.  See it, feel and believe it is possible for you. Even if self-doubt shows up you can overcome it by taking one step at a time towards your dreams.

Start taking those steps today.

 

 

 

Resources:

Free Meditation to help you your self-doubt Click here

How to Make your needs a priority Read More 

How To Make Your Needs a Priority

How To Make Your Needs a Priority

by | Nov 15, 2022 | Mental Health, Self Care, Well-Being

Do you put others needs before your own needs?

Why do you feel the need to put yourselves last? 

Is it because you think it is selfish to put your needs first?

Often as children, we are told to think of others. We were encouraged to allow others to go before us and to think about their needs. When I was a child, this was considered good manners. Now I’m not suggesting that showing others kindness and empathy to another person is a negative thing. I want to explore how we carry these patterns into our adult life and put the needs of others first.

Why  don’t we  show ourselves the same kindness and empathy we are willing to show others? We make other people’s needs more important than our own needs.

On the odd occasion, you try and put your needs first what is your reaction?

Do you consider yourself selfish for even daring to think about yourself?

We push our own needs aside thinking by putting others first will make us a good person.

Does it actually make you feel good putting everyone else’s needs above your own?

By putting yourself last you are actually not able to effectively care for others.

On an aeroplane, the safety message says to put on your own oxygen mask before you try to help someone else.

This same principle could be applied to life. If you don’t help yourself and put your needs first, then what happens?  It feels like life energy is being drained out of you. You use all your energy to think and care about others and you end up neglecting your own needs.

Often you have pushed your own needs aside for so long it’s difficult to recognize what your needs are.

I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t think about others or care for them, I’m saying that if caring for everyone else at the expense of always putting yourself last, then how effectively can you care for others?

 

 

Have you heard the saying is you can’t pour from an empty cup?

Essentially, the saying means that in order for you to effectively take care of others, you must first take care of yourself.

So how do you fill that cup?  Because the fact is, you are worthy of putting your need first.  In fact, it is essential that you recognize what your needs are and start putting yourself first. Now if you have been putting everyone else first this notion of putting yourself first is going to feel uncomfortable.  I’m sure your mind has started to come up with lots of excuses about you putting your needs first.

 Often the mind will say things like this:

  • You can’t do that
  • That selfish
  • What will others think
  • I have to take care of my children, mother, father, partner.

And let’s face it! the list could go on and on. But the fact of the matter is if you’re not taking care of yourself and putting your needs first who will take care of your needs?

Do you ever catch yourself feeling resentful about doing so much for everyone else and no one seems to notice or be thinking about your needs,

We teach others how to treat us and if you have always put everyone else first and our own needs last then this is what other will expect from us.

You are worthy of having your needs met. In fact, it is essential that you start taking care of yourself and your needs. Stop putting yourself last and start putting yourself first for a change.

I bet your next question is well that sounds great but how do I do that.

You do that by starting to fill your own bucket!

What does it mean to fill your own bucket? It means doing those things for yourself that you enjoy. You know those things that fill you up, energize you and give you joy in your life. Ultimately filling your own bucket.

Unfortunately, these are often the things we push aside and come up with all sorts of excuses for why we can’t do those things that fill us up. Leading to a leaking bucket feeling depleted and your bucket empty.

We are great at doing all we can to fill other’s bucket. But what about your bucket? How do you fill your bucket and prioritize yourself?

Filling your bucket is about doing those things that are important to you. The things that you have a passion for, make life fun and enjoyable. Your bucket is completely unique to you. We all have things that light us up.

What’s in your bucket?

It’s time for you to have some fun and create your buckets. As I mentioned your buckets are unique to you. Don’t look outwards to find the answer go within, give yourself some time to reflect on what is important to you.

Your bucket can take on many forms. It could be health, personal development self-care time. The list goes on.

There are no limitations to what your bucket is. It is about you getting clear about what is important to you in life.

Your mission if you’re ready to accept it is to create your buckets. Start by creating a list of all the things that are important to you. Those things that give you energy, support you or give you a whole lot of joy. Have fun and allow yourself to create your buckets.

Here is an example of what my buckets look like. These are the things that fill me up.

  •  Quality Time with my partner
  •  Connecting with my Spirituality
  •  Taking care of my mental health
  •  helping others
  • Learning new things
  • Travel

Create what’s important to you!

Now it’s time for you to create your own list of buckets of the things that are important to you.

Once you have your list of buckets. How are you going to make sure you fill each of them?

Create a plan and prioritise your buckets. These are the things that are important to you and create your fulfilling life.

You have two choices here. You can continue as you are and function on empty, or you can fill your bucket and feel full. It’s up to you.

We must take care of ourselves before we have the capacity to care for others.  Else we end up with an empty bucket and feeling unfilled.

Create your list of buckets and start filling them up!

.

Remember it’s not selfish to care for yourself it’s a necessary

How to Reduce Anxiety Naturally

How to Reduce Anxiety Naturally

by | May 31, 2021 | Mental Health

Have you ever been harsh or critical with yourself? 

Learn how to reduce anxiety naturally and instantly.

Anxiety is something most of us will struggle with at one point or another in our lives.  The sudden sensation of racing heart,  fast shallow breaths, the mind starting to race, body tensing and the wave of emotions that takes over.

A little while ago, this is exactly the feeling I was struggling with.

The wave, of anxiety, would just hit. I would feel the surge within my body, breathing, and mind.  Honestly, when anxiety takes over it is difficult to get back control.

You feel like you are in a constant state of fight or flight. The mind pulls you in with thoughts that amplified the anxiety. You feel completely overwhelmed

in your body and mind. It is like being pulled in and not being able to disconnect from what going on within you.

There are many ways to manage the feeling of anxiety. Did you know that you have a remedy that is safe, inexpensive, and effective?

“Your breath”. The breath has amazing powers to calm anxiety naturally.

Your breath is one of the best calming remedies for stress and anxiety and best of all it’s free!!!

When someone is experiencing anxiety the breathing pattern changes. The breath starts to become shallow the person generally takes small breaths and uses the upper chest rather than their diaphragm to move the breath in and out of their lungs. This style of breathing causes feelings of increased anxiety.

By controlling the breath or Pranayama practice as it referred to by yogis.

Yogis have now for centers the amazing powers of the breath.  Now medical science is discovering the benefits and effectiveness that controlled breathing has on mental and physical health.

This includes

  • Reduces feelings of anxiety
  • Lowered blood pressure
  • Improved heart rate
  • Reduced levels of stress hormones
  • Balances the  levels of oxygen and carbon dioxide
  • Improved immune system functioning
  • Increased physical energy
  • Increased feelings of calm and wellbeing.

When you’re in a state of relaxation your breath through the nose slowly gently and evenly. When anxiety takes over the breathing pattern changes rapidly it is generally the opposite of relaxed breathing.

To give you a guide I have put together four breathing practices. These practices are effective for calming yourself gain back a sense of control.

The Balancing Breath for Anxiety

Balanced breathing is nature’s gift to help work with anxiety, by deliberately focusing on inhalation and exhalation.

Steps:

1  Begin to focus on your breathing, connect with the inhale and exhale as it is naturally, not changing anything just notice for a moment.
2  Now focus on slowing your breath and deepening it slightly.
3 Inhale for 5 counts.  Hold for the count of 2 Exhale for 5 counts. (this is one cycle)
4  Continue for 10 cycles

Benefits of Balancing Breathe

The benefits of balancing breath include:

-Regulation of your stress response.
-Regulate your emotions
-Clears the mind to improve your thinking and processing abilities.

Alternate Nostril Breathing.

This breathing practice is great for relaxing the body and the mind. It creates a feeling of balance and grounding. It also helps to reduce anxiety and promotes overall mental and physical wellbeing.

Steps:

  1. Sit in a comfortable position, sit up straight with your spine in alignment.
  2. Using your right hand bring your thumb to rest your right nostril.
  3. Place ring finger on the left nostril.
  4. Begin by breathing in through both nostrils. And then breath out through both nostrils.
  5. Close the right nostril with the thumb and inhale through the left nostril
  6. Close the left nostril ring finger and breathe out through the right nostril.
  7. Inhale through the right nostril.
  8. Close the right nostril and breathe out through the left nostril.

This is one cycle. Continue to repeat alternating nostril breathing until you feel balanced and clean.

Benefits:

Balances the brain. This is a great practice to do throughout the day to help rebalance the right and left hemispheres of the brain. It clears the mind and that foggy feeling !!! and helps with balancing emotions.

One Minute- Mindful Relaxation  Breathing

Let’s face it feeling of anxiety is mentally exhausting. By using mindfulness to focus your attention on the present moment helps calm the mind and reduce anxiety. This breathing practice brings a sense of calming when the sudden wave of anxiety or stress takes hold.

Steps:

1:Tune into the breath: just notice the breath without changing anything for a moment.
2: Focused on the breath and start to change the rhyme of the breath. Inhale slowly and say to yourself “breath in” – fill your lungs with the breath. Then exhale completely: say to yourself: ” breath out ” -as you fully empty your lungs.
Continue for one minute.
3: Complete the exercise by placing your hand on your heart and saying thank you to yourself. Thank you for taking the time to breathe and be calm.

Benefits of mindfulness practice:

  • By focusing on the here and now you are less likely to get caught up in worrying thoughts
  • Being mindful helps to take pleasure in life as it occurs
  • Mindfulness improves mental health
  • Improves physical health
  • Mindfulness can help improve sleep
  • Mindfulness has been shown to reduce stress, anxiety and other mental health issues.

Diaphragmatic Breathing

When you experience anxiety your breathing becomes shallow and contracted to the upper chest area. By using diaphragmatic breathing, it allows you to fully in inhalation and exhalation.  This type of breathing helps to breathe deeply with focus and bring about a sense of relaxation

Steps

1.  Sit comfortably with your spine in alignment.
2.  Place your left hand on your upper chest and the right hand below your rib cage on your belly. Relax and breathe normal noticing the breath for a moment.
3. Then focus on the  Inhale through the nose taking a long slow breath in.  Feel the hand on your belly move up with the in-breath. As you exhale notice the hand move back down towards your spine.
4. Focus on controlling the breath. The hand on your belly should move up and down with each breath while the hand on your chest should remain as still as possible. Experiment until you get the breath right.
5. Now you have a feel for belly breathing include the following count: Inhale for 5 counts and exhale for 5 counts. (1 full round = 10 counts)
6 . Repeat for  5 full rounds.

The benefits of belly breathing included:

– Regulation of your stress response so you’re less reactive.
– Regulation of your emotion Improves thinking and processing abilities.
– Effective in helping with mental health conditions such as stress, anxiety, and depression.

“The Breath” is a simple tool that can be used any time to promote physically, mentally and emotional health.
In challenging, stressful and anxiety proving situations one of the best things to do is to turn to the breath.
By taking control of your breath, it helps to naturally calm anxiety.

It is also like hitting the reset button for your body and emotions. Remember the breath is one thing that is always available to you and best of all you can draw upon it anytime you need it to calm anxiety. I truly hope this helped you with some practical ways to manage your feeling of anxiety.

If you need more, support with anxiety or further exploring breathing practices learn more about how I can help you Here.

Please note these practices are intended as a guide to be used in combination with professional mental health support.

If you want more free resources to support your mental health, I have created some beautiful free  resources for you HERE

 

 

Tips for Practicing Self-Compassion and Kindness

Tips for Practicing Self-Compassion and Kindness

by | Apr 16, 2021 | Mental Health, Well-Being

Have you ever been harsh or critical with yourself? My guess is the answer is “YES”.  Did you know as humans, we are much harsher on ourselves than we are with other people? Think about it, have you secretly blamed and then beaten yourself up with negative self-talk. We do it so frequently, that we go on to autopilot. The criticism,  blaming and hash self-talk starts to flow. Before we know it, our mind filled with toxic thoughts.

If you can relate then I would love to let you in on a little secrete. One of the best ways to calm the harsh self-talk is to practise kindness and self-compassion.

Trust me! By being, kind and showing yourself, compassion will profoundly change your life. The more we practice being kind and compassionate with ourselves. The more we will develop the habit of self-compassion.

Here are a few tips on practising self-compassion to get you started.

Create Self Compassion time

We hear about the importance of self-care and the many benefits, but have you ever consider creating a self-compassionate time? Here some of my favourite ways to create self-compassion time in my day.

It only takes 10 minutes and it can make a huge difference to your emotional and mental health.

Self-soothing practices  

We can do simple practices such as self-soothing rituals like breaths in and say “

“I treat myself with love, kindness and compassion”.

Then breathe out. Repeat for five breath cycles.

Self-compassion break

 Take a self-compassion break. –It’s just like taking a tea break. A quick break in your day to show yourself some self-compassion. Step away from daily task and take 5 minutes break to show yourself some self-compassion. Do one kind thing for yourself during your compassion break. Pop a reminder on your phone or in your calendar. Then you have your self-compassion time scheduled. There no excuses for missing out on taking 5 minutes to be kind and compassionate to yourself.

Morning Routine

Another way to create self-compassion time is to start a morning routine that includes compassion.

This may be a morning meditation practice. (Check the link below for a free self-compassion meditation).  As part of your routine, you may like to include saying some compassionate words to yourself or give yourself a compliment. A great way to implement this is to write out your compassion words on a post-it note and stick it on the mirror.  Then when you’re getting ready in the morning, it’s right there on the mirror as a reminder. The perfect way to show yourself a little love and compassion in the morning.

Taking a self-compassion break helps you to care and nurture yourself. It allows you to open your heart and be kind to yourself.

Self-compassion practice for difficult emotions

When difficult emotions arise, we often experience feelings of overwhelming. When in this heightened state it is the perfect time to show yourself kindness and compassion to bring about emotional calm.

First recognizing the emotion without judgment or attachment. Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself it’s normal to have an emotional reaction when life is difficult. Be gentle and nurturing with yourself. Give yourself the space to work through the emotions. Be open and ‘make room for thoughts and feelings. Allow feelings to flow through you. Don’t try and fight the feeling , push them down, or control them. Validate your experience through kind self-talk. Practice accepting difficult emotions when they arise.

When we accept that, it’s a normal part of being a human to have uncomfortable thoughts feelings and emotions is an act of self-compassion within itself.

Compassionate exercise when difficult emotions arise.

Pace your right hand on your heart, and then place your left hand over the top of your right hand.

Take a few deep breaths and calm yourself –

Close your eyes – Repeat this affirmation Slowly 10 times.

“I am ok”.

Self-compassion through writing

Writing is a great way to express emotions, improve your well-being and show kindness.

Try to incorporate self-compassion into your journal writing. This will make practising self-compassion even stronger.

In your journal, be open and honest with yourself. Write about anything experiences you had during the day. Did you feel bad about anything? Or judged yourself harshly? Was there a stressful situation? Write anything you want to allow yourself to reflect on your experience. From this experience, explore ways you can show yourself self, more kindness and compassion

I find using kind words such as:

I’m doing the best I can.

I’m learning and growing from my experiences.

I forgive myself

I reflect and look for ways to be my best self

I’m kind and gentle with myself

You may like to write you on self-compassion phrases, which feels good to you.


Self-compassion letter

Another writing exercise is to write a self-compassionate letter to yourself. In your letter let yourself know that you care about yourself. Be gentle, and reassuring towards yourself. Write yourself some kind, comforting words. This exercise is helpful in difficult times when you need to show yourself some love and kindness.

Compassionate Self-touch

This is a simple practice but is a powerful way of showing kindness and compassion.

Find a comfortable position.

Now bring your mind to something you have been struggling with, it could be an internal struggle or an external struggle. Sit with this struggle for a moment. You may want to consider how this struggle is affecting you, how it is affecting your life. Notice what difficult thoughts and feeling are arising.

Become aware of within the body where you feel the feelings that are arising. Be aware of the part of the body that is hurting the most.

Now bring your attention to one of your hand. Within this hand, imagine that you hold someone that is very kind and caring.

Then place this kind and caring hand gently on whichever part of the body that hurts the most.

Send warmth, care and compassion inwards. Through the palm to the place that is hurting.

Imagine the body softening, relaxing and making space. Allow kindness and compassion to flow through your body.

Continue with this kind of self-touch for as long as you wish. (You can download a guided recording of this practice) here

Only through practice, we become better at showing ourselves compassion. It may feel a little awkward and uncomfortable at first but, the more kindness and compassion we are with ourselves. The better we become at handling life’s ups and downs.

Forgive yourself be gentle with yourself and recognize that you are a human.

You make mistakes.  You do not have to be perfect. You are learning, growing and doing the best that you can.

So, next time you are harsh or critical of yourself. Take a moment to pause and draw upon one of these practices. Show yourself kindness and compassion you are worth it.

You are worth of self-compassion

You are worthy of kindness

You are worthy of self-love.

And remember:

You can search the entire universe for someone who more deserving of you love and affection than you are yourself and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love affection, kindness and compassion. – Budda

I would love to hear how you feel about this topic and how you are bringing more self-compassion into your life Leave a  comment or get in touch here.

You may feel inspired to start your journey of self-compassion. Please click here. To find out more about how I can support you.

Listen to a free self-compassion meditation here.

A Guide To Self -Compassion

A Guide To Self -Compassion

by | Feb 23, 2021 | Mental Health

Many of us struggle with self-compassion. I personally view myself as a compassionate person, but self-compassion is something I have struggled with, in my own life. I’ve had to learn the skills of how to be kind and compassionate towards myself.

Self-compassion takes practise, patience and perseverance, to perfect your skills.  Once you master the skill of self-compassion, you unveil a beautiful masterpiece within yourself

So how do we start creating our masterpiece within ourselves?

As I mentioned, many of us view ourselves as compassionate people. It’s easier to treat others with compassion, kindness and warmth. However, many of us can struggle to treat ourselves with the same compassion.

What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion is a mindfulness technique. It is the ability to acknowledge your own, thought, feelings and responses with understanding acceptance and kindness towards yourself

In other words, treating yourself the same way you would treat a good friend who is experiencing painful emotions. Think about how you would treat that friend. I am sure you would be warm, caring, kind and compassionate, towards them.

However, if you were in the same emotional pain. Could you extend the same compassion and love towards yourself? Are you able to acknowledge your plain and hold yourself in a kind, caring, warm, and compassionate way?

It is not always easy to show ourselves compassion. When we are in pain, we offend treat ourselves with harshness unkind word, judging and criticizing ourselves. The inner critic’s loves to show up when we make a mistake, fail at something or feel stressed and overwhelmed.

When the inner critic overwhelms us with judgement, harsh words, and negativity,   it is easy to miss the point of self-compassion. We invalidate our emotions by telling ourselves: We should not feel this way. We should not have these thoughts. Our mind tells us we should not act like this. We call ourselves unkind names. We repeated the “I am not good enough” story over and over again.

Does it sound familiar to you? We can be so harsh and critical of ourselves. Invalidating our experiences, thoughts, feeling and emotions. When we are overcome by difficult thoughts or feelings. This is the perfect time to learn how to show ourselves more self-compassion.

Many of us have little or no experience with self-compassion. Often when we told about self-companion, we find it threatening self-indigent or overwhelming.

The fact is that self-compassion has so many positive effects on every aspect of our lives.

Over the last decade, research has consistently shown a positive correlation between self-compassion and well-being

That including:

  • Boost to happiness
  • Improved self-imagine
  • Self-worth
  •  Resilience
  •  Reduce stress
  •  Improved mental health

How do we start taking the steps to develop self-compassion?

The concept of self-compassion may feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable at first. If you are embarking on this self-compassion journey for the first time. Start by building self-compassion through small steps.

Do not allow yourself to be threatened and overwhelmed by the inner critic telling you it’s too hard.

Stop and reflect for a moment: “We have been criticizing ourselves for years and it has not worked. Let’s try something different. Try showing yourself approve, compassion and kindness and see what happens”

Take your time and be gentle with yourself. Here are some tips to get you started with self-compassion.

Understanding the relationship with the Inner critic.

Most of us are familiar with the inner critic. That voice in our mind is quick to judge and citizen us. The inner critic seems to enjoy the opportunity to highlight our mistakes, flaws, and failures.

Making us feel that we cannot measure up to the expectation, we place on ourselves. We replay the “never good enough” story on repeat in our mind. The relationship we have with our inner critic gives us the opportunity to start taking the first steps to developing self-compassion. We can learn how to release the “I’m not good enough story”, self-judgment and harsh words of the inner critic.

This is one of the most important steps towards self-compassion.

The first step is we need to become aware of the stories we tell ourselves. We can do this by, noticing and naming the story our inner critic is telling us. Then we can teach start ourselves how to disengage from the inner critic.

We do this by seeing the inner critics as nothing more than words and pictures, our mind is showing us. We do not need to get into a discussion with ourselves about whether it’s true or false. We can show ourselves self-compassion. By letting the thoughts and pictures of the inner critic come and go in their own time. We do not need to be pushed around by the inner critic. We can show ourselves kindness and compassion in the storm of the inner critic by:

Talk to ourselves in a caring gentle and understanding way.

Try this: Notice and Name the Story

  • This week start to notice the story you tell yourself.
  • You may want to write down the words you say to yourself.
  • The next step- is to name the story eg, (There is the “I’m not good enough story).
  • By giving the story a name, it gives you more power. Realising it’s a story, it does not mean it is true or false. It’s only words and you can choose how much power you give those words.
  • Let go of the story if it is unkind.
  • Put your hand on your heart. Take some deep breaths. Release the words and show yourself kindness and compassion.

Only through practice and patience, do we become better at showing ourselves compassion. Next time the inner critic shows up and starts judgement and using harsh words.  Take a moment pause and notice and name the story. Remember self-compassion is showing yourself the same kindness you would show a  friend or loved one in pain. You are worthy of love, you are worthy of kindness, and most of all you are worthy of self-compassion.  Start mastering the skill of self-compassion and unveil that beautiful masterpiece that is within you.

Are you ready to start taking the first steps to show yourself self-compassion?

I would love to hear how you feel about this topic and how you are bringing more self-compassion into your life. Please comment and share your experience

Do you feel inspired to start your journey of self-compassion? Please click here for more information about how I can help you with self-compassion. It is one of my favourite things to teach. If you have any questions please feel free to get in touch 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                        

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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