The Pathway of change

The Pathway of change

by | Sep 22, 2021 | Well-Being

A guide to navigating change in your life)

At one point or another, we need to walk the pathway of change.

Change is never easy. I will admit I never enjoy change. I like it when things are predictable and I have a plan.

I will confess I like to feel I am in control.

Our world has gone through a massive change and so many have felt the impact on a global scale.

When we experience change, it feels scary and unstable. The mind likes to keep us safe. It will often bring up thoughts that fill us with fear. Not helpful! but the mind thinks it’s doing a good job at keeping us safe from harm. The mind likes to keep things familiar and predictable. The reality is most of us like to have some predictability in our life.

When a change in your life occurs, how do you manage it is the question.

Change is like walking down an unfamiliar pathway. We are met with an uncertainty of where it will lead, we may encounter detours, and we are not too sure of what we will encounter along the way. Deep down we hope the change will lead to something even better in our life. Yet, that uncertain voice inside of us will present all the “what-if scenarios”. We like to be prepared and have a plan in case something goes wrong.

While we are walking the pathway of change how do we navigate the array of feelings and thoughts that come up?

Here are three practices that can help you with navigating change in you life

1. Discover the resources you have within you

We all go through many phases of change within our lifetime. Reminding ourselves that we have been through change before. Think for a moment about who you are today. All the changing versions of yourself, you have experienced over your lifetime.

A great way to recognise what changes you have been through is to look back and think about all the changes you have gone through .

Take out a piece of paper find a quiet place and allow 15 minutes to create your change list.

Write down a list of all the changes you can think of that you have gone through up until today.

From the list look at the item think about either the lessons or the resources, you have gained from that change. There will be a mixture of positive change and change that may have difficult for you. Even from change that was difficult, some of the great’s lessons emerge. It can feel tough when you are going through change. But once you’re on the other side you have learned and grown from the experience.

That’s why this practice is so powerful. It reminds us that even in difficult circumstances. We raise to the challenge and get through the change. We have the resources within us we have been through change before and we survived.

2. Opening up the change.

The more we resist change the more difficult we make it for ourselves. While we know this on a conscious leave, we still seem to love to resist change. We want to stay in our comfort zone where it is familiar and safe. But change is enviable. Everything changes no matter how much we want to keep it the same. Life is constantly evolving, let us make it easier on ourselves by opening up to change. Being open to change allows us the grace to be present and to feel what is coming up.

Sit with the feeling and allowing the feeling to be there. It may feel uncomfortable. But have you noticed the more you try and resist the more uncomfortable the feeling becomes? Try allowing the feeling to be there. Bring your attention to the feeling and breath into it. Then allow yourself to open up to the feeling, without pushing it away, allow any feeling to be there as it is. Without pushing or fighting. Continue to observe any sensations you feel. If the feeling changes that is ok. If it doesn’t change that is ok also. The goal here is not to get rid of the feeling. The aim is to allow the feeling to be there.

You may be asking what the point of this exercise is if you feel uncomfortable. This exercise is about showing you that uncomfortable feelings can arise within you. But, the more you push and try to get rid of them, the more uncomfortable and challenged your feelings. Through this struggle with feeling, you make the change more painful for yourself. By allowing the feelings to be there and being with it. You eventually drop the struggles with the feeling. You open up to and make room for the feeling. You’re making life easier for yourself. By allowing yourself to be open and flow with the change without resistance.

3. Show yourself compassion

One of the most important practices, when change happens, is to show compassion. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Take care of yourself. A simple way to show yourself compassion during times of change. Is to use compassionate hands practice.  Take your right hand and place it over your heart. Place your left hand on the upper part of your stomach. Imagine your hands are filled with loving compassionate energy. As you hold yourself with these compassionate hands. Allow yourself to take some slow deep breaths. You may want to repeat to yourself “ I am okay”

This practice can be used anytime you need to show yourself love and compassion, during challenging times.  (I have recorded a guided practice for this here 

Change within our lives is enviable. Things will change around us and within us no matter how much we want to hold onto the way things are. As you walk the pathway of change remind yourself. You have resources within you, you have been through change before. Resisting change makes, it is more difficult to allow yourself to open up to the feeling. The most important thing to remember is when you experiencing change, hold yourself with love and compassion

If you need more support with the change you are experiencing in your life please please get in touch with me or have a look at my work with me page. I would love to support you during this time.

 

 

 

A Guide To Self -Compassion

A Guide To Self -Compassion

by | Feb 23, 2021 | Mental Health

Many of us struggle with self-compassion. I personally view myself as a compassionate person, but self-compassion is something I have struggled with, in my own life. I’ve had to learn the skills of how to be kind and compassionate towards myself.

Self-compassion takes practise, patience and perseverance, to perfect your skills.  Once you master the skill of self-compassion, you unveil a beautiful masterpiece within yourself

So how do we start creating our masterpiece within ourselves?

As I mentioned, many of us view ourselves as compassionate people. It’s easier to treat others with compassion, kindness and warmth. However, many of us can struggle to treat ourselves with the same compassion.

What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion is a mindfulness technique. It is the ability to acknowledge your own, thought, feelings and responses with understanding acceptance and kindness towards yourself

In other words, treating yourself the same way you would treat a good friend who is experiencing painful emotions. Think about how you would treat that friend. I am sure you would be warm, caring, kind and compassionate, towards them.

However, if you were in the same emotional pain. Could you extend the same compassion and love towards yourself? Are you able to acknowledge your plain and hold yourself in a kind, caring, warm, and compassionate way?

It is not always easy to show ourselves compassion. When we are in pain, we offend treat ourselves with harshness unkind word, judging and criticizing ourselves. The inner critic’s loves to show up when we make a mistake, fail at something or feel stressed and overwhelmed.

When the inner critic overwhelms us with judgement, harsh words, and negativity,   it is easy to miss the point of self-compassion. We invalidate our emotions by telling ourselves: We should not feel this way. We should not have these thoughts. Our mind tells us we should not act like this. We call ourselves unkind names. We repeated the “I am not good enough” story over and over again.

Does it sound familiar to you? We can be so harsh and critical of ourselves. Invalidating our experiences, thoughts, feeling and emotions. When we are overcome by difficult thoughts or feelings. This is the perfect time to learn how to show ourselves more self-compassion.

Many of us have little or no experience with self-compassion. Often when we told about self-companion, we find it threatening self-indigent or overwhelming.

The fact is that self-compassion has so many positive effects on every aspect of our lives.

Over the last decade, research has consistently shown a positive correlation between self-compassion and well-being

That including:

  • Boost to happiness
  • Improved self-imagine
  • Self-worth
  •  Resilience
  •  Reduce stress
  •  Improved mental health

How do we start taking the steps to develop self-compassion?

The concept of self-compassion may feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable at first. If you are embarking on this self-compassion journey for the first time. Start by building self-compassion through small steps.

Do not allow yourself to be threatened and overwhelmed by the inner critic telling you it’s too hard.

Stop and reflect for a moment: “We have been criticizing ourselves for years and it has not worked. Let’s try something different. Try showing yourself approve, compassion and kindness and see what happens”

Take your time and be gentle with yourself. Here are some tips to get you started with self-compassion.

Understanding the relationship with the Inner critic.

Most of us are familiar with the inner critic. That voice in our mind is quick to judge and citizen us. The inner critic seems to enjoy the opportunity to highlight our mistakes, flaws, and failures.

Making us feel that we cannot measure up to the expectation, we place on ourselves. We replay the “never good enough” story on repeat in our mind. The relationship we have with our inner critic gives us the opportunity to start taking the first steps to developing self-compassion. We can learn how to release the “I’m not good enough story”, self-judgment and harsh words of the inner critic.

This is one of the most important steps towards self-compassion.

The first step is we need to become aware of the stories we tell ourselves. We can do this by, noticing and naming the story our inner critic is telling us. Then we can teach start ourselves how to disengage from the inner critic.

We do this by seeing the inner critics as nothing more than words and pictures, our mind is showing us. We do not need to get into a discussion with ourselves about whether it’s true or false. We can show ourselves self-compassion. By letting the thoughts and pictures of the inner critic come and go in their own time. We do not need to be pushed around by the inner critic. We can show ourselves kindness and compassion in the storm of the inner critic by:

Talk to ourselves in a caring gentle and understanding way.

Try this: Notice and Name the Story

  • This week start to notice the story you tell yourself.
  • You may want to write down the words you say to yourself.
  • The next step- is to name the story eg, (There is the “I’m not good enough story).
  • By giving the story a name, it gives you more power. Realising it’s a story, it does not mean it is true or false. It’s only words and you can choose how much power you give those words.
  • Let go of the story if it is unkind.
  • Put your hand on your heart. Take some deep breaths. Release the words and show yourself kindness and compassion.

Only through practice and patience, do we become better at showing ourselves compassion. Next time the inner critic shows up and starts judgement and using harsh words.  Take a moment pause and notice and name the story. Remember self-compassion is showing yourself the same kindness you would show a  friend or loved one in pain. You are worthy of love, you are worthy of kindness, and most of all you are worthy of self-compassion.  Start mastering the skill of self-compassion and unveil that beautiful masterpiece that is within you.

Are you ready to start taking the first steps to show yourself self-compassion?

I would love to hear how you feel about this topic and how you are bringing more self-compassion into your life. Please comment and share your experience

Do you feel inspired to start your journey of self-compassion? Please click here for more information about how I can help you with self-compassion. It is one of my favourite things to teach. If you have any questions please feel free to get in touch 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                        

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Five Ways To Release Emotional Overwhelm

Five Ways To Release Emotional Overwhelm

by | Nov 27, 2020 | Mental Health

Let’s face it we can all agree on one thing,  2020 has been a year to remember. We have all been affected in one way or another

I have been reflecting lately on the impact this year has had on my own personal emotional health. I have noticed that there is a lingering feeling of emotional overwhelm. That feeling of being in constant fight or flight mode, because you don’t know what is coming next.

Being in this emotional state is exhausting and overwhelming right!

 The unpredictability of a situation that is out of our control. It  like being on an emotional roller coaster. The adrenaline kicks in and goes into overdrive, The feeling of heightened anxiety about what going to happen on the ride. However, I guess with a roller coaster the ride ends and we can calm our emotions.

This situation is something most of us have experienced before. In our lifetime, few of us have lived through a pandemic. This is all a new experience. Which understandable will bring up a whole lot of emotional overwhelm.

We can all take some comfort in knowing that this situation with the pandemic will also come to end. Kind of like the roller coaster ride come to an end. The wave of emotions will calm down. In the meant time how do we deal with the emotions going inside of us?

We don’t know what’s coming next.

We question the unknown

What will happen next,?

What will our world will look like in the future?

These are all reasonable questions to be asking.

I have heard the feeling we are experienced explained like this. It very much like the feeling that are experienced during grief.

 Upon reflecting that description seems to fit. A feeling of loss of what use to be is no longer for many of us. The grief of losing the world we knew and felt had some predictability and security about it. Now coming to the realization that the world we once knew, has gone and has changed forever. This is no wonder feeling of emotional overwhelm is arising within. There is so much to process.

If we look at it, we all have lost something this year. We do not need to justify what we feeling about that loss by minimizing it. Or telling ourselves someone has it worse than us. Yes, it is possible; there are many people who have had a challenging time. However, it is okay for you feel the way you feel. Acknowledge your own feelings and give yourself permission to feel what you need to feel. Go within and feel what you feeling. Give yourself time and space to explore the emotions that is coming up for you.

 I guess the next question you will be asking is what do we do about this emotional overwhelm. How do I deal with all the feelings that are coming up?

Many of us are feeling emotionally overwhelmed and energetically exhausted.

I get it! I have been feeling overwhelm and exhaustion too.

I want to share my best tips with you on how I have been able to calm emotional overwhelm.

 Emotional overwhelm is something most of us have all experienced this year.

Those times when emotions feel like they are spiralling out of control. Its overwhelming trying to deal with all the emotions that are rising up inside.

 When you feel emotionally overwhelmed. A natural reaction is for the mind to try to control the feeling. Your mind starts to kick in and bring up all sorts of self-talk. In my experience, this heightens the feelings. Then leads to even more emotional overwhelm!

 We could all do with a little calmer in our life right now. Let’s look at five tips to calm emotional overwhelm.

#Tip 1 Be Aware Of Your Feeling

 Observe yourself and answer these two questions: When I’m emotionally overwhelmed where do I feel it in my body?

What is my first reaction when I feel emotionally overwhelmed?

 Once you completed tip one you will be more aware of how you feel and react to emotional overwhelm. Let move on to tip two.

 

#Tip 2: Breath And Ground Yourself.

 

When you feel yourself, reacting to emotional overwhelm, try this next step:

Ground yourself:

Sit with the feet touching the floor.

 Become aware of your feet and firmly push them into the floor.

 Feeling your feet firmly grounded.

 Take your awareness to your breath. Focus on your breath. Breathe into the count of four. Breath out to the count of four Breath in the count of four and breath out to the count of four.

 Repeat two more cycles (in and out to the count of four). This grounding and breathing are helpful in creating a sense of support. By grounding yourself and release some of your emotional overwhelm.

 

#Tip 3: Be Mindful- Calm The Mind.

 

When you are feeling emotionally overwhelm the mind will start to race. It comes up with lots of thoughts and will often go to worst case scenario thinking. Calm the mind by practising some mindfulness.

 Stop for a moment.

Look around and name 5 things you can see.

Listen and name 5 things you can hear.

Notice 5 things you can feel on your body for example fingers, hands arm ect…

 Practice this throughout the day and notice how it makes you feel. This practice helped you to calm the mind when you in a state of overwhelm. It brings the mind back to focal point and helps to gain back control over your thoughts.

 

#Tip 4 – Body Scan

 Scan your body and be aware of any feelings of overwhelm that may be still present.

 Starting at your feet then moving up your body.

Moving your attention up to your legs, your torso, arms, neck and head.

 Bring your attention to the body and being within the body.

 Take some slow deep breaths to release any uncomfortable sensations and calm yourself.

 By bringing the attention to our body. We give our self’s the space to move out of the emotion and back into being present within the body.

#Tip 5- Affirm

One of my favourite was to calm my emotional is through affirmations.

 Take a few slow breaths in and out.

If it feels good place you hand on your heart.

 Repeat to yourself the affirmation “I am ok”

 Keep repeating the words to yourself until you notice a shift in your emotions

 These three simple  words I find bring reassuring and have a calming effect.

 By using tips they have helped me to gain back control over my emotions overwhelm. The best thing about these is they only take a few minutes. You can implemented these tips whenever the feeling of emotional overwhelm arises.

 I hope these tips served you and helped you to release emotional overwhelm. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Remind yourself that you doing the best you can under difficult circumstances.

 

I would love to help you with even more with strategies for emotional overwhelm. Learn more about my private session here

 I have created some free meditations to calm emotions click here to download

 Love and gratitude to you

 Tanya x

 

 

 

HOW TO RECONNECT WITH YOURSELF

HOW TO RECONNECT WITH YOURSELF

by | Nov 2, 2018 | Uncategorized

Developing a sense of connection to ourselves is about having a stronger sense of awareness of who we truly are.  Our unique strengths, gifts, and ideas.  It means going within and not looking outside of ourselves to fill the sense of connection. Often we look to the outer word to fill the void we are feeling within.

We are so busy, distracted, stressed, overwhelmed. We connected to our phones, our email, social media. We are living in a world of information overload. We are looking externally for connection and validation. The external ways of connection are getting stronger and stronger. It can be easy in these times to feel a loss of connection to ourselves.

Take a moment to disconnect from the busy world around you. Stop to ask yourself to do you feel connected to yourself. Do you go within to connect to who you truly are?

If you feel an urge to reconnect with yourself read on! I got five practices for you to get you back on track and feeling more connected to yourself.

Connect with you
A simple practice to use to reconnect with yourself:
Place your hands and your heart and take a few deep breaths.
Close your eyes and go within.
Come back into balance with you. Feel yourself in your body.
Feel the connection with your mind and spirit.

Allow yourself to breathe for a moment.
Reconnect with yourself relax and allow yourself to have this moment of connection to you.

Ask yourself:
What I am feeling at this moment? Just noticing as you become aware of how you feel in the moment.

Asking How does my body feel at this moment? Again, just noticing the body at the moment.
Take some time to breathe and connect with yourself, your soul, and the deep sense of yourself.

Connect with your mind

Becoming aware of your thoughts is a powerful way to reconnect with your mind.
Are you filling your mind with useless thoughts that get you nowhere? Become aware of the thoughts that are going through your head.
Connect and listen to the constant chatter of the mind.

Lately, I have been setting a reminder in my phone to check in with my thoughts 3 times a day. I have become more aware of the useless through that were going through my mind. Once I connected with my mind and become more aware of my thoughts it’s easier to start replacing the thought with more useful ones.

Try it for yourself.
Put a reminder on your phone to connect with your thoughts 3 times a day.
Just listen and be aware of what you are saying to yourself.
Then start replacing the negative thought with a more positive thought.

I love to replace my negative thought with complete opposite positive thoughts.

Connect with your feelings.
It’s easy in our busy lives to push our feelings aside and not be aware of our true feeling. We distract ourselves with the external that often we can forget to check in and feel what is going on inside of us.

To connect with your feeling try this.
Find a quiet place to take some time for yourself.
Become aware of your feelings. Connect with how you truly feel.
Allow yourself to feel and be aware of what you are feeling.
Notice where you feel the feeling in your body. Notice how it feels in your body.
What emotions are you feeling?
Connect with all the aspects of how you feel. Go within and feel what you need to feel.

Now breathe deeply and allow yourself to release and let go.

Allow your body to release the feeling through the breath.
Allow the breath to calm the emotions.
Allow the mind to become clear with the breath.
Just keep breathing deeply until you become aware of the feeling moving through the body and releasing.

Connect with the breath.
Connecting with the breath is a powerful way of reconnecting with yourself, it’s your life force.

Try this simple practice to connect with the breath.

Place your hand on your abdomen.
Start by observing your breath as you feel your belly rise and fall.
Breathe deeply – drawing in energy in through your navel.
Feel your abdomen expand and contract as your breath.
Feel your chest rise and fall.
Continue to breathe slowly and deeply. Paying attention to your breath.
How does the breath feel?
Allow yourself to breathe deeply to connect with the breath- your life force.
Breath and feel the connection.

Write about it.
Journaling is a powerful way to connect with your inner self. Journaling allows you to connect to your inner thoughts and feelings.
Take out your favourite journal, notebook or a blank piece of paper.
Find a quiet place and give yourself some time to go within to connect with yourself.

Ask yourself what I need to know.

Free write
Try not to edit or overthink.
Allow the words to flow out of you and onto the page.
If you can’t find the words, try drawing. You don’t have to be an artist. No judgement!! Just allows what needs to flow on to the paper to come out.

Enjoy this time to connect with your inner being.

A beautiful reminder about connecting to finish with
“Disconnect to reconnect”.
Let’s try to disconnect from the external world occasional so we can reconnect with ourselves.

I hope this served you and helped you bring more harmony into your life.

I have recorded a special gift for you on my resource page.
You can download you’re a free guide to practice that will help you reconnect with yourself. Reconnect with yourself

How to stop your self-doubt from holding you back

How to stop your self-doubt from holding you back

by | Sep 27, 2018 | Mindfulness

We recently made the transition into the new season. If you in the southern hemisphere, springtime has arrived. A time for letting go of the old and make way for the new. With the change in the season it brings about a powerful new energy, things are opening and renewing. The trees are regenerating full of green leaves, the flowers start to bloom and the birds are singing once again. Spring allows us to reawaken from the cool winter. We can start to feel a shift in energy and things are being stirred up. Our energy starts to rejuvenate, the mind starts to reawaken to the beauty around us, and our body feels the need to move. The energy of spring allows us to start opening up to new possibilities.

As we start to think about the new it can bring up that voice in our head of self-doubt. We allow that persuasive voice in our head to talk us out of trying something new. We come up with all sorts of reasons why we shouldn’t try something different.

• Comparing ourselves to others,
• We worry about what others will think is we try something new.
• We double our decision and if we are doing the right thing by trying something new.
• Or if we are good enough to even try.

The list goes on and on….

We feel defeated before we even begin.

Most of us have experienced self-doubt when wanting to make a move to something new. Often we allow the voice of self-doubt to hold us back, take over and stop us in our tracks.

Once that voice of self-doubt takes hold, we take a step back from trying something new. We retreat back into the safety of our comfort zone. We allow self-doubt to win and we remain stuck in our old ways.

I understand that overcoming self-doubt when starting something new can be confronting. The butterfly in the stomach and fear takes hold. It can feel easier and safer to stay with what is familiar and comfortable. But if we stay with what is comfortable we become stuck and dormant. We don’t regenerate and grow to our full potential.  In spring we have the chance to open up, just like everything around us.  Regenerate and embrace the new there are so many exciting possibilities that lay before us.

Once we feel ready to move forward to something new then we need to step up and overcome our self-doubt. Here are some steps to get you started.

What do you want?

The first thing we need to do is to be clear about what new experience we want and why. Do you want a new job, start a new business, relationship, new hobby or travel somewhere new? It’s important to be clear about what we want and why. Once we are clear about what new experience we want and why then we can use that as motivation to overcome that voice of self-doubt. Write down clearly what new experience you want and why you what that new experience.

Listen to the words of self-doubt.

The next thing to focus on is to start listening to the words that we say to ourselves. It can be easy to let the voice of self-doubt start planting the seeds of all the reasons why we can’t start something new. Then before we know it we retreated back and did not take the steps toward what we wanted. We need to start listening to what that voice is saying. What does your self-doubt say to you? Listen and note the words you say to yourself.

To overcome self-doubt, we need to be aware of how self-doubt is holding us back. Ask yourself have you been holding yourself back?
Is your self-doubt stopping you from trying something new? Once we have a clear picture of what we want and become more aware of what the voice of self-doubt is saying. We are able to clearly see how our self-doubt is holding us back from all the new possibilities.

How does it feel?

Now that we are more aware we can start exploring how it would feel to try something new. To know if something new is right we can use our body as a guide. When you think about the new do you feel expansive or restrictive? Make sure that before doing this exercise you have pushed aside the voice of self-doubt. Then focus on the new possibility. Became aware of your body and the feeling you get when you think about the new. If you feel expansive your body is telling you it’s right for you.

If we get the feeling that the new is something we are ready to embrace, we can start focusing our minds on how the new experience will improve our lives. Focusing on the improvement the new will bring it helps quieten the voice of self-doubt. Once we start to quieten self-doubt we start building momentum towards embracing the new.

Now we have a clear indication of the new experience we want, and why we want it. We have quietened the voice of self-double by reassuring it. We are now feeling more open to the new possibilities, and ready to embrace it.

Embrace the new.

It’s now time to start thinking about one step we can take towards the new experience we want. List down one step you can take to move towards something new you want to experience. Then take that step toward what you want.

I have personally found one of the best ways to overcome self-double is to just start taking small action steps towards the new. By starting and taking action. I’m moving towards what I want.

Once we start to take action steps towards what we want the self-doubt slowly disappears.

Then we look behind and realize how far we have come, by taking that one step towards that new experience we want to try.

So start that thing you have been dreaming about. Don’t let your self-doubt hold you back. Allow spring to remind you of the possibilities of the new and let go of the old. Be ready to embrace all the new and exciting experiences that are coming your way.

I would love to hear in the comment what new exciting thing you have started

If you have family members, friends, or colleagues that could use some support with their self-doubt, please share this post.

I hope this helped with creating more Harmony in your Life