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How To Teach Yourself To Feel Good Enough

How To Teach Yourself To Feel Good Enough

by | Jan 13, 2023 | Mental Health

Let’s begin with a question that may feel a bit uncomfortable, but it’s an important question to reflect on.

What is the story you tell yourself over and over again?

This can be a comforting question. If you really stop for a moment and listen and think about what you are saying to yourself.

That voice in your mind what it’s telling you.

The words you say to yourself have power. The reality is you are with yourselves 24/7, there is no hiding from what you say to yourself.

The stories that are on repeat in your mind shape your life and the way you view yourself.

Did you come up with an answer? What story do you tell yourself?

My guess is this story has a theme to it. Did you know that there is a common theme to most stories we tell ourselves?

Want to know what the story is?

The I’m not good enough story.

Does that sound familiar?

The words that you are saying to yourself often have a theme of not being good enough.

Did you know that this is the most common story most humans struggle with?

They believe they are not good enough. We look for confirmation in the outside world about how we are not good enough. We tell ourselves this story over and over again.

Now I could sit here and tell you something like: Believe in yourself and turn those words around to something positive and repeat to yourself that you are good enough. And you are good enough. But we all have something called our internal voice in our mind and our mind can be a tricky thing. The mind likes to protect us and thinks that it’s helpful. But sometimes the mind is unhelpful and can be downright mean.

 

Saying  postive affiramtion that you don’t belive to  turn that negative self-talk around may  be helpful in the short term. But after a while, you start to fight against your mind and then you spiral back down to the same habit of repeating the… I’m not good enough story.

Let me give you some practical advice for the ‘I’m not good enough struggles.

Struggle 1: Question Your Efforts

We all have those times when we struggle with questioning ourselves

I’m I doing enough?

I’m I good enough?

Is what I’m doing enough?

Is this good enough?

The list goes on…

Even as I write this blog post my mind is asking if this is really good enough. It is looking to pick apart all the way it is not enough.

Your mind can be critical at times and you are so hard on yourselves.

The I’m not good enough story can be loud and disheartening.

Here is a practice to help when you find yourself criticizing your efforts.

 

  1. Think about some of the criticisms your mind tells you

 

  1. Pick one of the criticisms that you say to yourself a lot. (The one you have on repeat.)

 

  1. Now be present. Become aware of how it makes you feel when your mind gets caught up in criticizing you.

 

  1. Open up to the feelings and notice them. You may want to try some deep breathing.

 

  1. Then turn your focus on doing something that will make your life more meaningful. What is something that will add value to your life, that you can do right now and give your attention to?

I know it can painful but by opening up and being present to the feeling but once you become aware of the feeling showing up, you can start turning your focus on more meaningful things. Rather than getting caught up in the “I’m not good enough story”.

 

Struggle 2: Feeling You’re Not Doing Enough

Do you ever feel completely overwhelmed with always trying to fit more on your to-do list?

The more you try to do the more you question- “I’m I doing enough”?

Maybe you thought you’d be further ahead in life than you are right now, or maybe you have a list in the back of your mind of things you “should” be doing.

No matter what you do, it doesn’t seem to be enough.

Let’s explore that feeling of not doing enough.

Many of us judge ourselves for never doing enough. We ridicule our efforts as not being good enough. We have a long list of all the things we should be doing. Thinking if I just complete my do-to list, I will finally feel I’m good enough.

I know this feeling because I use to let myself get stuck in the mindset of “I have to do more to be enough”. Maybe you can relate.

 

Are you always think you have to do more to be enough?

Maybe seeing other people’s successes might trigger this feeling of inadequacy.

Do you set unrealistic expectations for yourself and think that nothing you do is ever good enough?

Let’s turn this thinking around. Because the truth is no matter how hard you push yourself and create an endless to-do list. It not going to make you feel enough. Instead of trying to do it all, try celebrate yourself and the effort you are putting in to the things you are doing. 

Here is a  practice help if you find yourself trying to do more and more to be enough.

Answer these questions:

What have I achieved that I never thought possible?

How have I progressed and grown in the last year?

How can I celebrate my effects?

Take time to celebrate your progress, achievements and growth. Turn that self-judgement into a celebration of doing and being enough in this moment. Often we never stop to celebrate our effects and how far we have come. Our mind is ready to jump to the next thing. Again never feel fulfilled with the success we already achieved. So instead of adding more to your to-do list celebrate all that you are right now.

Now that you celebrate yourself even if it was just a little bit. What if the next thing I asked you was- Do you know you are enough as you are?

Now stop for a moment before you read on. When you read the above statement what is your first thought? Just observe your thoughts for a moment.

Was your first thought, yes I’m enough.

Or did you start to question I am, I enough as I am? Or did you say no I’m not enough

The truth is you are enough exactly as you are. Our first response is often to think about all the ways we think we are not enough.

Let me tell you right at this moment you are all that you are meant to be.

And being enough is not about being perfect or reaching some ideal Enough is being all that you are right now.

The mess parts of you

The broken parts of you

The imperfect parts of you

The changing and growing parts of you

The beautiful parts

The unique parts of you

Despite all this, You’re already enough.

Struggle 3 Recognising you are enough as you are

Who gets to decide what being enough is?

Have you stopped to think about, What is enough anyway? Are you measuring your enoughness with an unrealistic image of perfection?

I will let you in on a little secret – You get to decide what enough is!!!

Nobody else gets to decide what enough means to you. You can only decide for yourself.

It can be a constant internal battle to feel enough. With judge yourselves in so many ways as not being enough.

That voice in your head tells you: I’m not pretty, I’m not skinny, I’m smart, I’m not confident enough. The list goes on and on…..

But the reality is you hold all the power you get to decide what being enough is for yourself. No one outside of you can decide that for you. You are the only one that can decide what enough looks and feels like for you. You have a choice you can continue to strive for some unrealistic image of being good enough. Or you can get crystal clear in your own mind about what your version of being enough is.

 

Journal Practice for defining being enough

In your journal answer these questions to get clear about what enough means to you.

What does being enough feel like?

What does being enough look like?

Define what being enough means to you?

Being enough is a working progress. Your mind will look for ways to tell you are not enough. Unfortunately, this is what the mind does. But you know have something very powerful and that’s awareness. The first step to change is being aware of the thoughts and feelings that are coming up for you. Be aware of what enough means to you. Shut off the loud voice of the outside world.

“You are enough exactly as you are”

Celebrate yourself instead of judging yourself. Because we all have those messy broken and imperfect parts to us. And you know what that’s ok because you’re working a progress and every day you growing learning and doing the best you can. And that is enough.

Resources

Recommended  book: Cassie Mendoza- Jones “You Are Enough”  Click Here

Free Meditation You Are Enough Guided Meditation Click Here

Learn more about how Hypnotherapy can support you with your self-esteem Click here 

 

How To Make Your Needs a Priority

How To Make Your Needs a Priority

by | Nov 15, 2022 | Mental Health, Self Care, Well-Being

Do you put others needs before your own needs?

Why do you feel the need to put yourselves last? 

Is it because you think it is selfish to put your needs first?

Often as children, we are told to think of others. We were encouraged to allow others to go before us and to think about their needs. When I was a child, this was considered good manners. Now I’m not suggesting that showing others kindness and empathy to another person is a negative thing. I want to explore how we carry these patterns into our adult life and put the needs of others first.

Why  don’t we  show ourselves the same kindness and empathy we are willing to show others? We make other people’s needs more important than our own needs.

On the odd occasion, you try and put your needs first what is your reaction?

Do you consider yourself selfish for even daring to think about yourself?

We push our own needs aside thinking by putting others first will make us a good person.

Does it actually make you feel good putting everyone else’s needs above your own?

By putting yourself last you are actually not able to effectively care for others.

On an aeroplane, the safety message says to put on your own oxygen mask before you try to help someone else.

This same principle could be applied to life. If you don’t help yourself and put your needs first, then what happens?  It feels like life energy is being drained out of you. You use all your energy to think and care about others and you end up neglecting your own needs.

Often you have pushed your own needs aside for so long it’s difficult to recognize what your needs are.

I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t think about others or care for them, I’m saying that if caring for everyone else at the expense of always putting yourself last, then how effectively can you care for others?

 

 

Have you heard the saying is you can’t pour from an empty cup?

Essentially, the saying means that in order for you to effectively take care of others, you must first take care of yourself.

So how do you fill that cup?  Because the fact is, you are worthy of putting your need first.  In fact, it is essential that you recognize what your needs are and start putting yourself first. Now if you have been putting everyone else first this notion of putting yourself first is going to feel uncomfortable.  I’m sure your mind has started to come up with lots of excuses about you putting your needs first.

 Often the mind will say things like this:

  • You can’t do that
  • That selfish
  • What will others think
  • I have to take care of my children, mother, father, partner.

And let’s face it! the list could go on and on. But the fact of the matter is if you’re not taking care of yourself and putting your needs first who will take care of your needs?

Do you ever catch yourself feeling resentful about doing so much for everyone else and no one seems to notice or be thinking about your needs,

We teach others how to treat us and if you have always put everyone else first and our own needs last then this is what other will expect from us.

You are worthy of having your needs met. In fact, it is essential that you start taking care of yourself and your needs. Stop putting yourself last and start putting yourself first for a change.

I bet your next question is well that sounds great but how do I do that.

You do that by starting to fill your own bucket!

What does it mean to fill your own bucket? It means doing those things for yourself that you enjoy. You know those things that fill you up, energize you and give you joy in your life. Ultimately filling your own bucket.

Unfortunately, these are often the things we push aside and come up with all sorts of excuses for why we can’t do those things that fill us up. Leading to a leaking bucket feeling depleted and your bucket empty.

We are great at doing all we can to fill other’s bucket. But what about your bucket? How do you fill your bucket and prioritize yourself?

Filling your bucket is about doing those things that are important to you. The things that you have a passion for, make life fun and enjoyable. Your bucket is completely unique to you. We all have things that light us up.

What’s in your bucket?

It’s time for you to have some fun and create your buckets. As I mentioned your buckets are unique to you. Don’t look outwards to find the answer go within, give yourself some time to reflect on what is important to you.

Your bucket can take on many forms. It could be health, personal development self-care time. The list goes on.

There are no limitations to what your bucket is. It is about you getting clear about what is important to you in life.

Your mission if you’re ready to accept it is to create your buckets. Start by creating a list of all the things that are important to you. Those things that give you energy, support you or give you a whole lot of joy. Have fun and allow yourself to create your buckets.

Here is an example of what my buckets look like. These are the things that fill me up.

  •  Quality Time with my partner
  •  Connecting with my Spirituality
  •  Taking care of my mental health
  •  helping others
  • Learning new things
  • Travel

Create what’s important to you!

Now it’s time for you to create your own list of buckets of the things that are important to you.

Once you have your list of buckets. How are you going to make sure you fill each of them?

Create a plan and prioritise your buckets. These are the things that are important to you and create your fulfilling life.

You have two choices here. You can continue as you are and function on empty, or you can fill your bucket and feel full. It’s up to you.

We must take care of ourselves before we have the capacity to care for others.  Else we end up with an empty bucket and feeling unfilled.

Create your list of buckets and start filling them up!

.

Remember it’s not selfish to care for yourself it’s a necessary

The Pathway of change

The Pathway of change

by | Sep 22, 2021 | Well-Being

A guide to navigating change in your life)

At one point or another, we need to walk the pathway of change.

Change is never easy. I will admit I never enjoy change. I like it when things are predictable and I have a plan.

I will confess I like to feel I am in control.

Our world has gone through a massive change and so many have felt the impact on a global scale.

When we experience change, it feels scary and unstable. The mind likes to keep us safe. It will often bring up thoughts that fill us with fear. Not helpful! but the mind thinks it’s doing a good job at keeping us safe from harm. The mind likes to keep things familiar and predictable. The reality is most of us like to have some predictability in our life.

When a change in your life occurs, how do you manage it is the question.

Change is like walking down an unfamiliar pathway. We are met with an uncertainty of where it will lead, we may encounter detours, and we are not too sure of what we will encounter along the way. Deep down we hope the change will lead to something even better in our life. Yet, that uncertain voice inside of us will present all the “what-if scenarios”. We like to be prepared and have a plan in case something goes wrong.

While we are walking the pathway of change how do we navigate the array of feelings and thoughts that come up?

Here are three practices that can help you with navigating change in you life

1. Discover the resources you have within you

We all go through many phases of change within our lifetime. Reminding ourselves that we have been through change before. Think for a moment about who you are today. All the changing versions of yourself, you have experienced over your lifetime.

A great way to recognise what changes you have been through is to look back and think about all the changes you have gone through .

Take out a piece of paper find a quiet place and allow 15 minutes to create your change list.

Write down a list of all the changes you can think of that you have gone through up until today.

From the list look at the item think about either the lessons or the resources, you have gained from that change. There will be a mixture of positive change and change that may have difficult for you. Even from change that was difficult, some of the great’s lessons emerge. It can feel tough when you are going through change. But once you’re on the other side you have learned and grown from the experience.

That’s why this practice is so powerful. It reminds us that even in difficult circumstances. We raise to the challenge and get through the change. We have the resources within us we have been through change before and we survived.

2. Opening up the change.

The more we resist change the more difficult we make it for ourselves. While we know this on a conscious leave, we still seem to love to resist change. We want to stay in our comfort zone where it is familiar and safe. But change is enviable. Everything changes no matter how much we want to keep it the same. Life is constantly evolving, let us make it easier on ourselves by opening up to change. Being open to change allows us the grace to be present and to feel what is coming up.

Sit with the feeling and allowing the feeling to be there. It may feel uncomfortable. But have you noticed the more you try and resist the more uncomfortable the feeling becomes? Try allowing the feeling to be there. Bring your attention to the feeling and breath into it. Then allow yourself to open up to the feeling, without pushing it away, allow any feeling to be there as it is. Without pushing or fighting. Continue to observe any sensations you feel. If the feeling changes that is ok. If it doesn’t change that is ok also. The goal here is not to get rid of the feeling. The aim is to allow the feeling to be there.

You may be asking what the point of this exercise is if you feel uncomfortable. This exercise is about showing you that uncomfortable feelings can arise within you. But, the more you push and try to get rid of them, the more uncomfortable and challenged your feelings. Through this struggle with feeling, you make the change more painful for yourself. By allowing the feelings to be there and being with it. You eventually drop the struggles with the feeling. You open up to and make room for the feeling. You’re making life easier for yourself. By allowing yourself to be open and flow with the change without resistance.

3. Show yourself compassion

One of the most important practices, when change happens, is to show compassion. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Take care of yourself. A simple way to show yourself compassion during times of change. Is to use compassionate hands practice.  Take your right hand and place it over your heart. Place your left hand on the upper part of your stomach. Imagine your hands are filled with loving compassionate energy. As you hold yourself with these compassionate hands. Allow yourself to take some slow deep breaths. You may want to repeat to yourself “ I am okay”

This practice can be used anytime you need to show yourself love and compassion, during challenging times.  (I have recorded a guided practice for this here 

Change within our lives is enviable. Things will change around us and within us no matter how much we want to hold onto the way things are. As you walk the pathway of change remind yourself. You have resources within you, you have been through change before. Resisting change makes, it is more difficult to allow yourself to open up to the feeling. The most important thing to remember is when you experiencing change, hold yourself with love and compassion

If you need more support with the change you are experiencing in your life please please get in touch with me or have a look at my work with me page. I would love to support you during this time.

 

 

 

How to Reduce Anxiety Naturally

How to Reduce Anxiety Naturally

by | May 31, 2021 | Mental Health

Have you ever been harsh or critical with yourself? 

Learn how to reduce anxiety naturally and instantly.

Anxiety is something most of us will struggle with at one point or another in our lives.  The sudden sensation of racing heart,  fast shallow breaths, the mind starting to race, body tensing and the wave of emotions that takes over.

A little while ago, this is exactly the feeling I was struggling with.

The wave, of anxiety, would just hit. I would feel the surge within my body, breathing, and mind.  Honestly, when anxiety takes over it is difficult to get back control.

You feel like you are in a constant state of fight or flight. The mind pulls you in with thoughts that amplified the anxiety. You feel completely overwhelmed

in your body and mind. It is like being pulled in and not being able to disconnect from what going on within you.

There are many ways to manage the feeling of anxiety. Did you know that you have a remedy that is safe, inexpensive, and effective?

“Your breath”. The breath has amazing powers to calm anxiety naturally.

Your breath is one of the best calming remedies for stress and anxiety and best of all it’s free!!!

When someone is experiencing anxiety the breathing pattern changes. The breath starts to become shallow the person generally takes small breaths and uses the upper chest rather than their diaphragm to move the breath in and out of their lungs. This style of breathing causes feelings of increased anxiety.

By controlling the breath or Pranayama practice as it referred to by yogis.

Yogis have now for centers the amazing powers of the breath.  Now medical science is discovering the benefits and effectiveness that controlled breathing has on mental and physical health.

This includes

  • Reduces feelings of anxiety
  • Lowered blood pressure
  • Improved heart rate
  • Reduced levels of stress hormones
  • Balances the  levels of oxygen and carbon dioxide
  • Improved immune system functioning
  • Increased physical energy
  • Increased feelings of calm and wellbeing.

When you’re in a state of relaxation your breath through the nose slowly gently and evenly. When anxiety takes over the breathing pattern changes rapidly it is generally the opposite of relaxed breathing.

To give you a guide I have put together four breathing practices. These practices are effective for calming yourself gain back a sense of control.

The Balancing Breath for Anxiety

Balanced breathing is nature’s gift to help work with anxiety, by deliberately focusing on inhalation and exhalation.

Steps:

1  Begin to focus on your breathing, connect with the inhale and exhale as it is naturally, not changing anything just notice for a moment.
2  Now focus on slowing your breath and deepening it slightly.
3 Inhale for 5 counts.  Hold for the count of 2 Exhale for 5 counts. (this is one cycle)
4  Continue for 10 cycles

Benefits of Balancing Breathe

The benefits of balancing breath include:

-Regulation of your stress response.
-Regulate your emotions
-Clears the mind to improve your thinking and processing abilities.

Alternate Nostril Breathing.

This breathing practice is great for relaxing the body and the mind. It creates a feeling of balance and grounding. It also helps to reduce anxiety and promotes overall mental and physical wellbeing.

Steps:

  1. Sit in a comfortable position, sit up straight with your spine in alignment.
  2. Using your right hand bring your thumb to rest your right nostril.
  3. Place ring finger on the left nostril.
  4. Begin by breathing in through both nostrils. And then breath out through both nostrils.
  5. Close the right nostril with the thumb and inhale through the left nostril
  6. Close the left nostril ring finger and breathe out through the right nostril.
  7. Inhale through the right nostril.
  8. Close the right nostril and breathe out through the left nostril.

This is one cycle. Continue to repeat alternating nostril breathing until you feel balanced and clean.

Benefits:

Balances the brain. This is a great practice to do throughout the day to help rebalance the right and left hemispheres of the brain. It clears the mind and that foggy feeling !!! and helps with balancing emotions.

One Minute- Mindful Relaxation  Breathing

Let’s face it feeling of anxiety is mentally exhausting. By using mindfulness to focus your attention on the present moment helps calm the mind and reduce anxiety. This breathing practice brings a sense of calming when the sudden wave of anxiety or stress takes hold.

Steps:

1:Tune into the breath: just notice the breath without changing anything for a moment.
2: Focused on the breath and start to change the rhyme of the breath. Inhale slowly and say to yourself “breath in” – fill your lungs with the breath. Then exhale completely: say to yourself: ” breath out ” -as you fully empty your lungs.
Continue for one minute.
3: Complete the exercise by placing your hand on your heart and saying thank you to yourself. Thank you for taking the time to breathe and be calm.

Benefits of mindfulness practice:

  • By focusing on the here and now you are less likely to get caught up in worrying thoughts
  • Being mindful helps to take pleasure in life as it occurs
  • Mindfulness improves mental health
  • Improves physical health
  • Mindfulness can help improve sleep
  • Mindfulness has been shown to reduce stress, anxiety and other mental health issues.

Diaphragmatic Breathing

When you experience anxiety your breathing becomes shallow and contracted to the upper chest area. By using diaphragmatic breathing, it allows you to fully in inhalation and exhalation.  This type of breathing helps to breathe deeply with focus and bring about a sense of relaxation

Steps

1.  Sit comfortably with your spine in alignment.
2.  Place your left hand on your upper chest and the right hand below your rib cage on your belly. Relax and breathe normal noticing the breath for a moment.
3. Then focus on the  Inhale through the nose taking a long slow breath in.  Feel the hand on your belly move up with the in-breath. As you exhale notice the hand move back down towards your spine.
4. Focus on controlling the breath. The hand on your belly should move up and down with each breath while the hand on your chest should remain as still as possible. Experiment until you get the breath right.
5. Now you have a feel for belly breathing include the following count: Inhale for 5 counts and exhale for 5 counts. (1 full round = 10 counts)
6 . Repeat for  5 full rounds.

The benefits of belly breathing included:

– Regulation of your stress response so you’re less reactive.
– Regulation of your emotion Improves thinking and processing abilities.
– Effective in helping with mental health conditions such as stress, anxiety, and depression.

“The Breath” is a simple tool that can be used any time to promote physically, mentally and emotional health.
In challenging, stressful and anxiety proving situations one of the best things to do is to turn to the breath.
By taking control of your breath, it helps to naturally calm anxiety.

It is also like hitting the reset button for your body and emotions. Remember the breath is one thing that is always available to you and best of all you can draw upon it anytime you need it to calm anxiety. I truly hope this helped you with some practical ways to manage your feeling of anxiety.

If you need more, support with anxiety or further exploring breathing practices learn more about how I can help you Here.

Please note these practices are intended as a guide to be used in combination with professional mental health support.

If you want more free resources to support your mental health, I have created some beautiful free  resources for you HERE

 

 

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